Diversity Statement 2.0

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Rawlberto
Posts: 413
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:43 pm

Diversity Statement 2.0

Postby Rawlberto » Thu Oct 13, 2011 6:27 pm

Thanks for the brutal honesty on my previous statement. Getting closer to an acceptable statement or needs another reworking? Thank You!


Though I was born in the United States I didn’t live in my country of origin until about the age of five when I moved to XXXX to be with my mother and sister. The first five years of my life were spent in a Sonoran border city living with my grandparents. Even though our city had the typical makings of a Mexican city it was subject to the influence of American culture. The city itself reflected the cultural flux that has been a major theme of my life. The people of the city we more likely to play and follow baseball than soccer. Family barbecues always seemed to have both traditional carne asada and beans alongside hot dogs, hamburgers, and potato salad. We shopped for groceries at a local market and at a super market in the bordering U.S. city. Our television programs for the most part were American made with Spanish dubbing.

When I moved to be with my family in the U.S. the transition was expectedly difficult. There was the challenge of learning a new language, new customs, and of course making new friends. For many years I spoke with a heavy northern Mexican accent and found myself relying on the crutch of substituting a Spanish word when unable to think of the English equivalent, with the vice verse being true. My attempts to communicate with family were thus becoming difficult as I was becoming more comfortable with English. Even within my own family I was regarded with suspicion of having forgot where I was from.

The issue of authenticity thus was a prominent issue in my adolescent development. Was I being “too white” as I was accused of by my Hispanic friends? Did my American friends see me as their equal? I was in a constantly in search of a balance that could appease all parties at the expense of my own comfort. As I grew up I slowly realized that being Mexican or American isn’t a clearly defined status, they both had shades of ambiguity. That the distinction does not exclude the other, they are both central components of my cultural identity.

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mandolin
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Dec 29, 2010 10:37 pm

Re: Diversity Statement 2.0

Postby mandolin » Fri Oct 14, 2011 3:00 am

Hey Rawlberto,
I'm not the best at commenting on style, so I'll just point out a few of the glaring things.
"The people of the city we (WERE) more likely to play and follow baseball than soccer."
" I was in a constantly in search (CONSTANTLY IN SEARCH) of a balance that could appease all parties "

"That the distinction does not exclude the other, they are both central components of my cultural identity."
This is a sentence fragment. I understand what you are trying to do here. You could either just remove the first word and say "The distinction does not..." or you could probably get away with ending the previous sentence with a semi-colon like "I slowly realized that being Mexican or American isn’t a clearly defined status, they both had shades of ambiguity; the distinction does not exclude the other, they are both central components of my cultural identity."

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Diversity Statement 2.0

Postby CanadianWolf » Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:35 am

Well done except for the final two sentences that introduce a complex idea regarding national ambiguity which requires further explanation.




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