PS Critique!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
rosenbiems
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:36 pm

PS Critique!

Postby rosenbiems » Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:44 pm

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Last edited by rosenbiems on Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: PS Critique!

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Oct 13, 2011 2:06 pm

Unless your LSAT is in the mid-to-high 170s, don't use this essay since nobody will take you seriously. If your LSAT is in the mid-to-high 170s, then you should know better.

Communicating complex ideas in a clear, concise manner is a primary goal of legal writing. Common sense is an important aspect of the practice of law whether as a lawyer or as a judge.

P.S. Most of your personal statement seems to be little more than a regurgitation of your resume & transcript.

rosenbiems
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:36 pm

Re: PS Critique!

Postby rosenbiems » Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:27 pm

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Last edited by rosenbiems on Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

imjustjoking22
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:46 am

Re: PS Critique!

Postby imjustjoking22 » Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:41 pm

I was just skimming, but I'd say don't use parenthesis unless absolutely necessary - it looks sloppy.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: PS Critique!

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:51 pm

I read both of your essays twice--something that shouldn't be done if purporting to offer a fair & realistic critique since it is unlikely that admissions officers will read each, or even any, essay more than once.
In my opinion, the second essay is better than the first because there is less resume rehashing & more straightforward language. Your opening paragraph captures the reader's attention & the following paragraphs offer logically ordered & well reasoned support. The final paragraph, however, is unnecessary as it merely repeats what you already have written.

melsaye
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: PS Critique!

Postby melsaye » Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:04 pm

I def think this one is better. The ideas are more grounded. I understand why and what you are trying to do with your approach in philosophy and abstract thought, or at least I think I do. But it is not clear enough.
I read your last one and this one a couple times...it seems you are not going the experience direction, but rather trying to posit a degree of unique/creative intellectuality. That's great, but to do that you have to use an academic approach, otherwise your ideas will come across as generalized or cliche. It is easy to recognize that the internet is a difficult thing to regulate. But, if you really know the subject well, you will demonstrate your knowledge of some unique intellectual/academic structures of analysis that illustrate specifics that are important. If you are trying to show that you can bring intellect to the law school, you gotta demonstrate that you can think critically.
So then, I would suggest reading up on a couple theories of political economy, nothing too hard, wikipedia will give you some great understandings of basics that will give you a way to think about the subject you are talking about for a few days.
Check out
Neo-Gramscian theory of political economy on wikipedia

and check out Mackenzie Wark at http://www.neme.org/291/hacker-manifesto
Read the wiki, read a bit of Wark's stuff, and that will give you some inspiration. Just so you know Wark's Hacker Manifesto is a publication of Harvard University press, his writings are considered 'Cutting Edge'.

From there hash out one subject say information as property and law, or maybe information privitization/open source and the law, or maybe even law privacy and marketing/advertising business--as information is exchanged between more and more people through different mediums, how does privacy and the law work into this, imagine the kinds of precedent you could set!!




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