I am not really concerned to much with grammar as I am with content and what you grab from reading this excerpt. I just want to make sure that I am on the right path. This is not the full essay, I just want your thoughts on the direction that this essay is going. I would really appreciate.
An abandoned cobweb sways against the window on a cool autumn afternoon in September, the origin of its movements come from a moderately small beetle that accidently flew on the web. After pushing and struggling to break free, the beetle rests for a couple of seconds before it continues to unlatch its tiny leg from the sticky web. After much struggle and persistence the beetle remains where it started, stuck to this web. What is intriguing about the beetle’s actions is its determination, persistence, and courage to attempt to release itself from this cobweb.
Like the beetle, my strengths originate from an ingrained determination that allows me to accomplish what I set my mind to. While many would agree that success could be achieved through experience, I believe that experiences, while it can lead to success, aids but does not by default create who you are and what you will accomplish. Inner determination is something that cannot be taught or learned. It activates when put in a situation that triggers its response.
Growing up, I always valued the times I spent with my father. These times were not always frequent because my mother and father separated when I was a very young girl. Yet they were cordial enough for my brother and I to able to see him from time to time. There were many disappointed moments I had with him. Like that one weekend when he was suppose to pick my brother and I up so that we could spend some quality time and he never showed up. Or when I sent him an invitation to my college graduation and he declined to attend just because I wrote a personal handwritten message to accompany the invitation. These circumstances would leave me with many questions that I never found the answer to. I blamed myself because it happened but it never shook my spirit to the point where I decided that I wanted nothing to do with him. Most of the effort to establish contact has been made on my part so anything that was done or hasn't been done wasn't a major shock. However, I wanted answers. I was not content with crying myself to sleep without receiving some reasons into his mindset on why he did what he did.
Soon after this demand for answers and explanations just left me in circles. But like the beetle, I never gave up...