ThreeRivers wrote:I want people to slam my PS so I'm not trying to get into an argument and I definitely will take some of your comments into consideration, but the 1st 4 are about my brother? There are 5 paragraphs:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction story about brother having cancer
Paragraph 2 - His struggle became my inspiration
Paragraph 3 - How it influenced me
Paragraph 4 - Why I want to attend X law school / why I would be good for X law school
Paragraph 5 - Closing / wrapped it up
You stating that it took 4 out of my 5 paragraphs makes me believe you didn't even read my PS really / just looked at other individuals comments from previous drafts (in which case they were correct).
edit: Actually you seem to think there are 7 paragraphs, when there are actually 5.. idk
Still, I thank you for your input and will definitely take it into consideration for my next draft
When you asked me about why I thought this was more about your bro than you, I did a quick count of your above posting and and thought 7, but yes you are right there are only 5 paragraphs. I also mistakenly believed, for a bit, that you were applying to UPenn. Seeing that you are applying to Pitt, you might have a chance, I don't know. Even there, though, I assume that you will have some decent competition when applying. So if you want to take my suggestions and, as they say, throw the baby out with the bathwater because I did not count your paragraphs correctly, that's your call. But your PS includes nothing that separates you from the absolute lowest common denominator applying to law school. In this case, hopefully your LSAT will do that. Take it or leave it, but your PS substantively says absolutely nothing that makes you stand out.
I'm waiting on my LSAT to see where I should apply. If it is high enough I'll have a decent shot of T14, if not I'll go for regional schools in areas in which I want to live, I just used Pitt for this example because I will probably apply there either way (I'm from Pittsburgh).
I'm sorry if I offended you by disagreeing with you, but it just appeared to me that you were highly influenced by other posts from previous drafts (in which their comments drastically helped me to improve this version). I've tried to get away from what you're stating and feel like I have. This is why I was surprised by your response because I thought it was just about his cancer in the intro. I'm not "throwing your comments out," and I probably will adjust my essay based on your comments (although maybe not to the extent you wish).
I value anyone's opinion who is willing to take time out of their day to evaluate a stranger's PS when it has no direct benefit to them. To be honest I'm probably going to weigh all the opinions I get on this latest version and then change my PS accordingly, I just don't know how to make it less about my brother at this point, but if others echo your statement I'll try:
As of now you seem to pretty much despise it but JoeMo / CanadianWolf seemed to enjoy it / feel it was a strong PS. Everyone has their opinion and hell it is very likely that some adcoms will like mine and some won't, so neither side of this is necessary "right" or "Wrong."