ps help!!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
vsanghav
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:26 am

ps help!!

Postby vsanghav » Thu Oct 06, 2011 2:53 pm

taken down for editing.

thanks guys.
Last edited by vsanghav on Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

shmoo597
Posts: 301
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 10:31 pm

Re: ps help!!

Postby shmoo597 » Thu Oct 06, 2011 3:17 pm

Reads too much like a resume, and is kind of boring with no coherent message throughout. I'd focus it down on one issue and re-write the whole thing.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: ps help!!

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Oct 06, 2011 4:07 pm

The primary weakness in your personal statement is that you overload the reader with too many details while offering too little insight into you & your goals. To correct this imbalance, set forth a clear & succinct theme in the opening paragraph.

Curious1
Posts: 964
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 7:54 pm

Re: ps help!!

Postby Curious1 » Thu Oct 06, 2011 4:11 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:The primary weakness in your personal statement is that you overload the reader with too many details while offering too little insight into you & your goals. To correct this imbalance, set forth a clear & succinct theme in the opening paragraph.


Agree. This is exactly what not to do.

Focus on ONE of the things you listed, talk about micro-anecdotes that really express who you are and why you're fascinating. I knew a girl who wrote about her experience trying to install a program on her computer one night, and she showed through the experience what kind of a person she is. She's at Yale now.

I know you've heard this before, but they know what extra-curriculars you've dine--it's in your resume. Look at everything that's on your resume and write about something other than those.




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