Please Review Me...

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Please Review Me...

Postby 510Chicken » Thu Oct 06, 2011 3:38 am

Last edited by 510Chicken on Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Posts: 208
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:59 pm

Re: Please Review Me...

Postby caminante » Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:13 am

There is very little in this essay that makes it memorable. I like your description of the path to the library, but that is the only thing that really stood out. You describe a phenomenon that is common to almost all college students: being scared and lonely at the start, finding something that inspires you, and then coming to love your university experience. Since this is such a common story, it is important to make the telling of it uniquely your own. We need examples and specifics that will set your journey apart from your classmates'. Simply stating that you were inspired by the writings of the existentialists is not enough.

The essay is very well written and easy to read. You present a strong and articulate voice that was, at least to me, endearing. You have potential for a very nice personal statement here.

Style points: refrain from using the word "obviously." It is redundant if it is actually obvious- and in this case, what you describe as being obvious actually isn't.

Your description of a library as a "massive book repository" seems odd and unnecessary.

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Re: Please Review Me...

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:23 am

The last two paragraphs fail to convey any message that is likely to help your law school applications.

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