Help on Personal Statment

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Sweaters
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:51 pm

Help on Personal Statment

Postby Sweaters » Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:31 pm

Removed to re-write thanks
Last edited by Sweaters on Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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franklyscarlet
Posts: 2914
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:16 pm

Re: Help on Personal Statment

Postby franklyscarlet » Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:39 pm

grammar, grammar, grammar. also, grammar. The second sentence is not a complete sentence. I saw you use the text slang "thru." All thoughts on topic aside, whenever you arrive at your final essay topic, please take it to a university writing center or a friend with VERY good editing skills.

edit: Verb tenses are often incorrect also.

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rinkrat19
Posts: 13912
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:35 am

Re: Help on Personal Statment

Postby rinkrat19 » Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:42 pm

franklyscarlet wrote:grammar, grammar, grammar. also, grammar. The second sentence is not a complete sentence. I saw you use the text slang "thru." All thoughts on topic aside, whenever you arrive at your final essay topic, please take it to a university writing center or a friend with VERY good editing skills.

edit: Verb tenses are often incorrect also.
Holy crap, yes. This is a grammatical MESS.

The first paragraph should be scrapped entirely. I lost count of the incomplete sentences. You need to learn how to use a semicolon. The language is waaaaay too informal, almost conversational.
Just for starters.




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