Tear to shreds- 1st draft personal stmt.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
livelovelaugh49
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:10 pm

Tear to shreds- 1st draft personal stmt.

Postby livelovelaugh49 » Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:25 pm

*** Will be deleting after some comments, any advice would be wonderful-- is this a bad topic?***
Last edited by livelovelaugh49 on Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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TheFutureLawyer
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 2:28 pm

Re: Tear to shreds- 1st draft personal stmt.

Postby TheFutureLawyer » Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:51 pm

Not to say I don't believe you or to be insensitive, but I think your PS comes off like you trying to blame others for some personal problems and only barely ties that together with what will make you a good addition to the adcomms law school.

I'd think about redoing it (I completely rewrote my PS about 7 times btw).

bmore
Posts: 302
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:28 pm

Re: Tear to shreds- 1st draft personal stmt.

Postby bmore » Fri Sep 30, 2011 2:07 pm

Sorry. Don't like it. And brush up on your grammar. "smaller then" "they frown upon it" "I conquered that goal. These are just a couple goals that I have shattered etc." "my boyfriend (which I am still with to this day)". Not trying to be mean. The paras are disjointed from each other. This is just one excerpt that makes you sound very childish "she decided to take it upon herself and have her dad go into the coach’s office and scream at him about why his daughter was not playing".

It doesn't really sound like you are able to handle stress effectivey (as you say).

Do not submit this PS.

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j12
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Re: Tear to shreds- 1st draft personal stmt.

Postby j12 » Fri Sep 30, 2011 2:19 pm

TheFutureLawyer wrote:Not to say I don't believe you or to be insensitive, but I think your PS comes off like you trying to blame others for some personal problems and only barely ties that together with what will make you a good addition to the adcomms law school.

I'd think about redoing it (I completely rewrote my PS about 7 times btw).

I agree

livelovelaugh49
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:10 pm

Re: Tear to shreds- 1st draft personal stmt.

Postby livelovelaugh49 » Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:26 pm

Thanks all--- that helped me scratch out one of my 4 statements I have going right now. Any ideas for topics that you think would be successful? I have noticed after reading many of these personal statements people have very emotional/saddening stories to tell... fortunately, I grew up not having to face anything overly tragic. I grew up in a good family and never had to face the death of a close family member, money issues, rape, or anything along those lines. I have though achieved numerous goals many people, as well as myself, have set for me. How can I highlight that? Or is that something to even highlight? I guess I am just asking what are some good topic ideas if I don't have anything overly dramatic to draw upon?




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