Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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ADks
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:46 pm

Critique

Postby ADks » Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:08 pm

Thank you for your input!
Last edited by ADks on Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:27 pm

This essay is likely to harm your chances for admission to competitive law schools primarily because it is not succinct. As is, your essay is too wordy & repetitive while offering only superficial insights to your view of the world, what motivates you & your development. The superfluous & shallow nature of this writing makes it unfocused & unconvincing, in my opinion.

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ADks
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:46 pm

Re: Critique

Postby ADks » Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:49 pm

I agree. It is shallow. I might want to provide more insight into some of the topics I discuss, especially the topics involving my own experiences, and cut down on the topics that do not necessarily involve me personally. Thank you!

dani_burhop
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:14 pm

Re: Critique

Postby dani_burhop » Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:57 pm

Too much here - this is what adcomms critique as "A resume in essay format." Find 1-2 stories that encapsulate your character - I'm sure they're in there. This topic area, on its own, has some promise - Best, Dani




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