Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

Is this any good?

Yes(submit)
4
57%
No(kill yourself)
3
43%
 
Total votes: 7

MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:11 am

Please read this and tell me if you like me at all. Tell me if you'd consider accepting me into your law school. On the other hand, tell me if I should go away and die or something.

Edit.

Thanks for the quick feedback, I'll get to work.
Last edited by MRsimon on Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

Joeshan520
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby Joeshan520 » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:31 am

I don't see enough of you in the statement. The overarching lesson is compelling but it feels more a narration about other people. Things are bad in other places that other people have experienced (your grandmother, but not you) and you did a legal internship, great :/. What is it about your experience that makes me want to admit you?

Total Litigator
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby Total Litigator » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:34 am

Don't use the term "coin slot"

MRsimon
Posts: 35
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:39 am

Total Litigator wrote:Don't use the term "coin slot"


Word

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NYC Law
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby NYC Law » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:40 am

Well aren't we submissive

MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:45 am

NYC Law wrote:Well aren't we submissive


--ImageRemoved--

MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:46 am

Joeshan520 wrote:I don't see enough of you in the statement. The overarching lesson is compelling but it feels more a narration about other people. Things are bad in other places that other people have experienced (your grandmother, but not you) and you did a legal internship, great :/. What is it about your experience that makes me want to admit you?


I see what you mean. I guess I was focusing more on a general sense of how those things have steered me where I want to go.

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paratactical
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby paratactical » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:53 am

This is actually a pretty good start. I have some issues with some phrasing, but I think there are things to deal with before you get to that point.

Do you already have a diversity statement concept? If I were you, I'd split this into two essays- a PS about your grandma and the juvie court stuff and a DS about your father and T&T.

MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:59 am

paratactical wrote:This is actually a pretty good start. I have some issues with some phrasing, but I think there are things to deal with before you get to that point.

Do you already have a diversity statement concept? If I were you, I'd split this into two essays- a PS about your grandma and the juvie court stuff and a DS about your father and T&T.


Thanks,

I was sort of torn on whether or not to do a DS or straight PS. I think that kind of shows. I'll take your advice, and see if I can split them up.

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paratactical
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby paratactical » Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:02 am

Feel free to PM them to me.

MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:05 am

paratactical wrote:Feel free to PM them to me.



Will do. Thanks for the help!

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Richie Tenenbaum
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby Richie Tenenbaum » Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:06 am

Good luck.
Last edited by Richie Tenenbaum on Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dani_burhop
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:14 pm

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby dani_burhop » Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:49 pm

I feel like everyone on this forum is starting their personal statements with childhood anecdotes! Why is this?! The pattern gives me pause.

Law schools are hoping to enroll clever adults with decent accomplishments. Spread the word!! :wink:

Best, Dani

CanadianWolf
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:02 pm

Northwestern seems to prefer clever adults with professional accomplishments, but other law schools value many other qualities as well.

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paratactical
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby paratactical » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:16 pm

dani_burhop wrote:I feel like everyone on this forum is starting their personal statements with childhood anecdotes! Why is this?! The pattern gives me pause.

Law schools are hoping to enroll clever adults with decent accomplishments. Spread the word!! :wink:

Best, Dani

At least it's not as retarded as lots of smilies, exclamation points and signing your posts!!! :wink:

Sunshine and puppies!!!,

para

MRsimon
Posts: 35
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby MRsimon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:57 pm

dani_burhop wrote:I feel like everyone on this forum is starting their personal statements with childhood anecdotes! Why is this?! The pattern gives me pause.

Law schools are hoping to enroll clever adults with decent accomplishments. Spread the word!! :wink:

Best, Dani


Apparently they like humble, clever, and accomplished adults.

thederangedwang
Posts: 1124
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby thederangedwang » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:02 pm

MRsimon wrote:
dani_burhop wrote:I feel like everyone on this forum is starting their personal statements with childhood anecdotes! Why is this?! The pattern gives me pause.

Law schools are hoping to enroll clever adults with decent accomplishments. Spread the word!! :wink:

Best, Dani


Apparently they like humble, clever, and accomplished adults.

+1

dani_burhop
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:14 pm

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby dani_burhop » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:13 am

Ha! Well, I apologize for the outburst. No harm intended. I will probably still use emoticons in a way that agitates the masses, however. Boards are low affect and require some emoting, IMHO. Best, Dani

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kwais
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby kwais » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:21 am

dani_burhop wrote:Ha! Well, I apologize for the outburst. No harm intended. I will probably still use emoticons in a way that agitates the masses, however. Boards are low affect and require some emoting, IMHO. Best, Dani


Dani, I'm not sure where you are getting your info from. These law schools have our transcripts and resumes. They know our accomplishments. If an applicants recent accomplishments make for the best statement then that is what they should focus on, but many college kids have a bunch of 'vice president of x student org' or '40 hours of commserve at x place' and these don't really set someone apart either. Your blanket statements that childhood events are a bad a idea are baseless. An honest, well-written illuminating statement is always the way to go and people find that material in different events in their lives.

What are you basing your black and white assessments on?

thederangedwang
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby thederangedwang » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:26 am

kwais wrote:
dani_burhop wrote:Ha! Well, I apologize for the outburst. No harm intended. I will probably still use emoticons in a way that agitates the masses, however. Boards are low affect and require some emoting, IMHO. Best, Dani


Dani, I'm not sure where you are getting your info from. These law schools have our transcripts and resumes. They know our accomplishments. If an applicants recent accomplishments make for the best statement then that is what they should focus on, but many college kids have a bunch of 'vice president of x student org' or '40 hours of commserve at x place' and these don't really set someone apart either. Your blanket statements that childhood events are a bad a idea are baseless. An honest, well-written illuminating statement is always the way to go and people find that material in different events in their lives.

What are you basing your black and white assessments on?


I would just like to add on that I am sorry if I am riding u exceptionally hard or if i have been more a douche than neccessary..having said that....imho the advice u have given is not very good...a personal statement is meant to be PERSONAL, and a person's childhold...or an anecdote is the perfect manifestation of such....the personal statement is not the place to highlight what makes you ready for law school, rather it should be a place to tell the ad comm what makes you "you".....the ad comm as plenty of other info to make the decision of whether or not you are rdy for law school (Lor, transcript, resume, lsat-gpa score)....

dani_burhop
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:14 pm

Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby dani_burhop » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:44 am

kwais wrote:
dani_burhop wrote:Ha! Well, I apologize for the outburst. No harm intended. I will probably still use emoticons in a way that agitates the masses, however. Boards are low affect and require some emoting, IMHO. Best, Dani


Dani, I'm not sure where you are getting your info from. These law schools have our transcripts and resumes. They know our accomplishments. If an applicants recent accomplishments make for the best statement then that is what they should focus on, but many college kids have a bunch of 'vice president of x student org' or '40 hours of commserve at x place' and these don't really set someone apart either. Your blanket statements that childhood events are a bad a idea are baseless. An honest, well-written illuminating statement is always the way to go and people find that material in different events in their lives.

What are you basing your black and white assessments on?


Well, I'm an editor. I've read hundreds of personal statements. The kids I help get into the best law and graduate schools all wrote about adulthood experiences in their personal statements. I'm not the only PS/DS editor who recommends this - I'm surprised at everyone else's surprise, truth be told! Writing about childhood/teen experiences makes a PS sound like an undergraduate admissions essay, let's say, 80% of the time - and why would any law school applicant want that? *shrug*

It's not a blanket recommendation, though - for example, I worked with an applicant who wrote about seeing the Berlin Wall fall as a child. That was a great and memorable topic and he turned it into an adult direction later in the essay, so it worked. And one guy did a Yale 250 about the unique "Common Law" that sprung up in his house after his parent's divorce that was humorous, original and heartfelt, and layered an adult concept over a childhood experience. So it can work - I'm just saying, childhood is often the easy way out, topic-wise - everyone has cute (or horrible) childhood stories. The worst are the "here's the first time I lied/called someone a liar/realized there was injustice in the world" essays - hundreds of those are written every year to law schools.

The best essays I've seen were about playing college rugby in England; fighting wild fires in Oregon; and, completing the Ironman in Hawaii. But I've also seen awesome essays about teaching abroad, and about commitments to service, and even to family. There was one fellow who went through medical school and then decided to do law, and his essay was considered and touching.

But I mean, obviously I'm not going to stop anyone from writing about childhood. :wink: Do it if you need to!

Best, Dani

boogiemonster00
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby boogiemonster00 » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:59 am

And if you had no admirable accomplishments or achievements? What then?

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paratactical
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby paratactical » Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:10 pm

Childhood stories, like any other approach, need to be well-written to have the desired affect. It's more about the overall quality of the essay and the writing when you're not dealing with a spectacular story of truly unique accomplishment.


Now will you stop signing your damn posts? We can see your wrote it and signing them makes you seem either stupid, old and out of touch, or just plain douchetastic.

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whirledpeas86
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Re: Treat me with no respect. Make me feel awful and stuff.

Postby whirledpeas86 » Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:26 pm

Just stopped in to say hot thread title. :twisted:




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