Destroy my personal statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Onessimus
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:08 pm

Destroy my personal statement

Postby Onessimus » Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:20 pm

-
Last edited by Onessimus on Wed Oct 26, 2011 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:32 pm

Maybe I am missing the point of your personal statement, but how will this essay help you get into law school ?

Again, I just don't get it. My impression is that this writing should be titled "Thoughts of a Grandson" rather than as your personal statement for law school applications.

Woobinator11
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 27, 2011 3:32 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby Woobinator11 » Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:40 pm

Agreed with Wolf.

I feel like i know a lot about your grandfather... but nothing about you besides that you like to argue.

Onessimus
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:08 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby Onessimus » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:20 pm

Yeah I thought maybe it described me indirectly through my analysis of my grandfather a bit, but you're both right that I'm probably not describing myself sufficiently. I was trying to tie my grandfather's strengths and failings and my realization of them into my interest in Justice with a capital j and the law. Really, I'm having a hard time coming up with interesting information from my own life to craft into a narrative, thus why I thought I'd crib someone else's life story and relate it myself. So I'm guessing that in your experiences, personal statements need to be much more about the applicant themselves, huh? Hmm... maybe this is more diversity statement material?

User avatar
Flips88
Posts: 13563
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:42 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby Flips88 » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:37 pm

90% of this is not about you. Do not submit this

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:44 pm

Start by writing about why you want to go to law school & become an attorney.

User avatar
SisterRayVU
Posts: 134
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2011 12:56 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby SisterRayVU » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:51 pm

This is good as a piece of writing but it's not tailored to explaining why you'd be a strong student in law school. If you shift midway through to your experiences in achieving what you want via the inspiration your grandfather gave you, etc, and resolve it in your desire to pursue a legal education, it'd be much stronger.

jcarsen
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:45 am

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby jcarsen » Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:48 am

There's absolutely no problem with talking about your grandfather, and how he influenced you, but I agree that in its current form your statement is too much about your grandfather and not enough about you. It's also a bit long generally.

Best,
Jen Carsen
Law School Statement Editor
http://www.spam.com

User avatar
Nicholasnickynic
Posts: 1126
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby Nicholasnickynic » Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:21 am

"destroy my personal statement"

Okay. It sucks. What a piece of shit. Give up. My dog shits better personal statements.

Onessimus
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 5:08 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby Onessimus » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:50 am

Nicholasnickynic wrote:"destroy my personal statement"

Okay. It sucks. What a piece of shit. Give up. My dog shits better personal statements.


This is the best you could do? This is so generic it wouldn't even pierce the least deluded prospective law student's emotional shell! I was hoping for something a little more cutting, to be honest.

Thanks for the feedback re: length and more focus on myself, Jen and SisterRay. I suppose I should've known that already, but there's no tricking myself now. I'll probably write a new personal statement with an entirely self-focused structure, then maybe incorporate some of that material into this.

User avatar
Nicholasnickynic
Posts: 1126
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:21 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby Nicholasnickynic » Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:14 am

Onessimus wrote:
Nicholasnickynic wrote:"destroy my personal statement"

Okay. It sucks. What a piece of shit. Give up. My dog shits better personal statements.


This is the best you could do? This is so generic it wouldn't even pierce the least deluded prospective law student's emotional shell! I was hoping for something a little more cutting, to be honest.

Thanks for the feedback re: length and more focus on myself, Jen and SisterRay. I suppose I should've known that already, but there's no tricking myself now. I'll probably write a new personal statement with an entirely self-focused structure, then maybe incorporate some of that material into this.


Good point. In my defense, I didn't read a single word- so its hard to not be generic.

dani_burhop
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:14 pm

Re: Destroy my personal statement

Postby dani_burhop » Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:47 pm

This is memorable and funny and could easily be repurposed into a diversity statement, which does not have to focus so closely on you. The PS does need to speak directly to your character. You're an engaging writer - good luck!

Best, Dani




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.