Please critique disclosure addendum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
nucky thompson
Posts: 290
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:32 pm

Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby nucky thompson » Wed Sep 14, 2011 11:29 pm

I will be deleting this after I get some advice, Please do not quote.

I list/detail the incidents in a purely factual way (a little remorseful in tone, mostly dry), then conclude with this

While I am contrite for all of my past indiscretions, I am most ashamed and regretful of the latest event. Over the course of undergraduate studies I matured greatly, but this incident did not reflect such progression. It was a momentary lapse in judgment that I could not take back. The event prompted me to take stock of my life. I stopped drinking alcohol indefinitely and re-dedicated myself to achieving my personal and academic goals. I have learned from my past mistakes and am confident there will be no issues moving forward.

MrAnon
Posts: 1615
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:08 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby MrAnon » Wed Sep 14, 2011 11:32 pm

Everyone drinks and does stupid stuff. Unless you were accused of rape or manslaughter from one of these incidents I wouldnt even mention them. There is a tendency to overdramatize in these statements when 99% of them are not necessary in the first place.

nucky thompson
Posts: 290
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:32 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby nucky thompson » Thu Sep 15, 2011 1:25 pm

I am required to disclose - I am not making a huge deal of it, but i would like to alleviate any concerns adcomms may have about my future behavior. Is this conclusion satisfactory?

barneytrouble
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:43 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby barneytrouble » Fri Sep 16, 2011 6:14 am

nucky thompson wrote:I am required to disclose - I am not making a huge deal of it, but i would like to alleviate any concerns adcomms may have about my future behavior. Is this conclusion satisfactory?


The prose is a little on the purple side. You can find much more straightforward ones throughout the site.

freestallion
Posts: 944
Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:17 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby freestallion » Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:20 am

nucky thompson wrote:I will be deleting this after I get some advice, Please do not quote.

I list/detail the incidents in a purely factual way (a little remorseful in tone, mostly dry), then conclude with this
I regret my actions and have learned from my mistakes. I am confident that there will be no further issues moving forward.

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sach1282
Posts: 330
Joined: Sun Oct 18, 2009 1:50 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby sach1282 » Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:37 pm

freestallion wrote:
nucky thompson wrote:I will be deleting this after I get some advice, Please do not quote.

I list/detail the incidents in a purely factual way (a little remorseful in tone, mostly dry), then conclude with this
I regret my actions and have learned from my mistakes. I am confident that there will be no further issues moving forward.


This is better.

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theadvancededit
Posts: 315
Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2011 1:31 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby theadvancededit » Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:51 pm

nucky thompson wrote:While I am contrite for all of my past indiscretions, I am most ashamed and regretful of the latest event. Over the course of undergraduate studies I matured greatly, but this incident did not reflect such progression. It was a momentary lapse in judgment that I could not take back. The event prompted me to take stock of my life. I stopped drinking alcohol indefinitely and re-dedicated myself to achieving my personal and academic goals.


While it's totally understandable why you'd want to appear remorseful, making even borderline-emotional pleas may seem trite.
Sach is totally right.

dani_burhop
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:14 pm

Re: Please critique disclosure addendum

Postby dani_burhop » Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:09 pm

These types of addenda can do more than explain and show remorse - they can demonstrate growth. For example, I worked with an applicant with a DUI who committed fully to AA and helped counsel others. So, if you have done anything specific to make up for your past transgressions, mention them. But keep the overall disclosure short.




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