taken down.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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beta
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taken down.

Postby beta » Tue Sep 13, 2011 3:58 pm

this statement is supposed to be character driven and hopefully answers why i would make a good law student.
i am worried it sounds too much like a creative writing piece and lacks substance. please dont quote directly, i intend to take it down in a few hours after some opinions.

thoughts? and thank you :)
---------

think im gunna keep it. thanks y'all.
Last edited by beta on Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
beta
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Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby beta » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:15 pm

opinions? pleaseee?

spring2012hopeful
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Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:55 am

Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby spring2012hopeful » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:31 pm

I really like the story - as a story. It just needs something more imo to make it work as a PS. What do I know though, I'm still struggling to make my own PS work.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:41 pm

Interesting & enjoyable to read. Memorable. Should stir interest in your application. Adaptability to new circumstances & the capacity to teach oneself are valuable skills for law students & for the practice of law. In my opinion, this personal statement should help your law school applications.

freestallion
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Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby freestallion » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:46 pm

Very interesting PS and enjoyed the story - it is very well written and you are a good writer. However, I am left wanting to know more about your accomplishments (other than bike riding), and why you want to go to law school. It does read more like a story than a personal statement. If you can cut down a bit on the narrative aspect and metaphor and instead talk more about your accomplishments in the classroom in Indonesia, as well as "why law". It's not required, but could make it sound more like a PS.

spek
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Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby spek » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:46 pm

I really liked your essay but I think you should take away the story about Fahri and replace it with something that provides a more concrete connection to law school. Talk about what your experience in Indonesia meant for you, aside from what you mention about biking. This was a really compelling PS to read but I think the "step further" is to take your experience outside of Indonesia and bring it back to who you are and what your goals are. Hope that helps.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:53 pm

The OP's experience with Fahri demonstrated resourcefulness & resiliency.

spek
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Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby spek » Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:01 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:The OP's experience with Fahri demonstrated resourcefulness & resiliency.


I'm sure, but by the time I got to that part of the narrative I was looking for something different and was a little tired of the anecdotes. She could keep this story and put it earlier in the PS, I just suggested taking it out because it was at the end and the rest of the essay (in my opinion) flowed really well.

user11
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Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:09 pm

Re: final personal statement--thoughts?

Postby user11 » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:49 pm

I like it. Good story.

A lot of posters want PS-es to explicitly say "I have x quality." Conversely, interviews with deans and adcom members say the opposite - show, don't tell.

Anybody can write a PS claiming many wonderful things.

Few can write a PS that illustrates a few of those things convincingly, while demonstrating writing ability.

Keep it up.

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beta
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Re: taken down.

Postby beta » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:23 pm

thanks for the tips/ liking it/not liking it, haha.

i think i'm done.




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