That Darned First Draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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danitt
Posts: 1984
Joined: Wed Sep 07, 2011 9:40 pm

That Darned First Draft

Postby danitt » Fri Sep 09, 2011 4:09 pm

I've only spent limited time writing this (even though I've spent torturous weeks thinking about writing it, what's too much, what's too little). I decided to just get something down and open it up for constructive criticism. So please free to provide comments, guidance, direction. I know it's flawed so I'm appreciative of any help I can get in making it better.

ETA: deleted and will take critique and work on it.
Last edited by danitt on Tue Sep 13, 2011 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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danitt
Posts: 1984
Joined: Wed Sep 07, 2011 9:40 pm

Re: That Darned First Draft

Postby danitt » Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:21 am

*bump*

That bad? I literally don't know if I should scrap it, tweak it or run with it.

freestallion
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Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:17 pm

Re: That Darned First Draft

Postby freestallion » Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:39 am

I think your last paragraph especially comes off as naive. Saying you've always wanted to go to law school is basically naive because adcomms will wonder, WHY are you leaving everything behind, leaving your job, to be buried in debt for some idealized image of wanting to be a lawyer? Do you understand the realities of being a lawyer? That it's not glamorous and instead hard boring work? I am wondering if you even understand what being a lawyer or going to law school entails since you're stuck to an idealized version of it. It comes off as a bit immature IMO.

Other than that, the theme is good. But you should write more about why you want to go to law school that shows you actually know what you want to get into.

Also the writing is very informal and needs some improvement. First of all remove all the contractions.

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danitt
Posts: 1984
Joined: Wed Sep 07, 2011 9:40 pm

Re: That Darned First Draft

Postby danitt » Tue Sep 13, 2011 12:04 pm

Thank you for the critique and I fully understand the need to flesh out certain aspects of it. I fear that I still find myself NOT wanting to share too much of myself which in this case could be extremely counterproductive.

There is a very legitimate reason that I want to practice law which I in all likelihood would get into once I start fleshing the PS out.

Thanks again!




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