revising

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
nucky thompson
Posts: 290
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:32 pm

revising

Postby nucky thompson » Thu Sep 08, 2011 3:27 pm

revising
Last edited by nucky thompson on Fri Sep 09, 2011 3:55 pm, edited 10 times in total.

sparty99
Posts: 1433
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: Have made significant changes to PS - please critique

Postby sparty99 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:56 pm

The first two paragraphs were okay, not really sure what you are trying to convey in the remaining paragraphs. You state that they gave you praise on your work, but how can this be proven? I think it is a little boring that you talk so vividly about a senior thesis and how you raised your gpa and gained confidence.

nucky thompson
Posts: 290
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:32 pm

Re: Have made significant changes to PS - please critique

Postby nucky thompson » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:05 pm

the professor of the class is one of my recommendation writers. I am trying to show growth and accomplishment in college without regurgitating my resume

sparty99
Posts: 1433
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: Have made significant changes to PS - please critique

Postby sparty99 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:17 pm

“college students do not counter seasoned historians" - I have no idea what this means

nucky thompson
Posts: 290
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:32 pm

Re: Have made significant changes to PS - please critique

Postby nucky thompson » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:19 pm

the historian took a stance on the topic in which my research was done - my argument/thesis countered his - i can word that more clearly

nucky thompson
Posts: 290
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:32 pm

Re: Have made significant changes to PS - please critique

Postby nucky thompson » Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:27 am

bump - I am having a lot of trouble writing this personal statement, but I am in a much better position now than I was when I started because of useful commentary. I have made revisions but I realize more can be done - If you read this PS please respond and point to areas I could improve or maybe point to something you like

MumofCad
Posts: 974
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:46 pm

Re: Have made significant changes to PS - please critique

Postby MumofCad » Fri Sep 09, 2011 11:16 am

I'm going to PM you my responses, because I need to quote the text and I see you didn't want that done publicly.




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