Very rough draft of PS.

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Eve0000
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:40 pm

Very rough draft of PS.

Postby Eve0000 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 12:26 pm

Deleted. Thanks for the feedback.
Last edited by Eve0000 on Sat Sep 10, 2011 2:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Eve0000
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:40 pm

Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby Eve0000 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:09 pm

anyone?

BeaverHunter
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:05 am

Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby BeaverHunter » Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:41 pm

cliche and dull, sorry.

4910
Posts: 142
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:42 pm

Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby 4910 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:43 pm

why don't you read it back to yourself and see if you find it interesting. this is very boring and unoriginal.

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Bodhi_mind
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Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby Bodhi_mind » Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:45 pm

decent

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Bodhi_mind
Posts: 215
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Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby Bodhi_mind » Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:51 pm

Maybe it's just because I ran track/cc back in HS, but running a half marathon doesn't seem that difficult or life changing. How fast were you going?

Eve0000
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:40 pm

Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby Eve0000 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:57 pm

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Keep it coming.
I personally did not find this too exciting either but just thought it was a good statement to show why I am interested in going to law school. Unfortunately I did not have any life changing events that I could write about. I do however have another statement that I will post on here later, maybe that one will be better.

Bodhi_mind, it was difficult for me because I just recently started running after giving up smoking and eventually started getting into small races and finally set a goal to do a half marathon. On average, I did a 8.29 mile. I wanted to incorporate this experience into my personal statement some more but once I started writing about my tax background, figured it would be a better fit to show what makes me a good candidate for law school.

sparty99
Posts: 1433
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby sparty99 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:48 pm

This is a decent START. I don't see how your first paragraph has anything to do with the rest of the essay. It makes no sense.

Reading your essay it is clear why you want to go to law school. Additionally, I get the sense that your experience can add to the overall law school experience, specifically in Tax Law. While your essay is not ground breaking and overly exciting, your experience in Big 4 can be advantagous. I would highlight your experience in the Big 4 and maybe go into more detail on what you learned, the expections in a big 4 firm, how you progressed. For example, "Consulting is not an easy job. It requires long hours reading dull materials, blah, blah."

You do a good job tying in what you want to do with a law degree. You need to also speak clearly. "Sitting in a large conference room with the Internal Revenue Code, Regulations, and Tax Treatises being my only companions." This is written poorly. Just write, "I was sitting in a conference room reading about the internal revenue codes, U.S. tax regulations, and treatises." Don't be cute. These aren't your companions. Also, rather than, "Another few hours passed," just write, "Two hours had passes and I had come to realize......"

Eve0000
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:40 pm

Re: Very rough draft of PS.

Postby Eve0000 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:57 pm

sparty 99, I relly appreciate your advice. I wanted to somehow tie in my half-marathon experience to show that I have other aspects to me besides taxes and law and that's why in the last paragraph I stated that the way the half marathon was the first step toward a full marathon, my experience in school and at work is a step toward the legal field. However, I see where you are coming from. It doesnt flow as well as I would have liked it to. I will definitely work on this and post it once it's better revised.

If anyone else has any other feedback, I'd greatly appreciate it. I am having a rough time with this as I havent had any life changing/tragic/innovative experiences in my life (I am just a regular applicant) so any help is appreciated.




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