First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

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grimfan
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First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby grimfan » Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:03 am

deleted for editing
Last edited by grimfan on Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:16 am, edited 2 times in total.

grimfan
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby grimfan » Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:04 am

Also, I am aware that it's a bit long. I am planning to cut about 150-200 words, but I could use some guidance as to where it is needed. Thanks!

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CorkBoard
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby CorkBoard » Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:29 am


That night, I knew what I wanted to do with my life.


This sounds like you want to be a filmmaker to me. I feel like you waited a long time to tie this into law and that the conclusion was really random from the story.

grimfan
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby grimfan » Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:12 am

CorkBoard wrote:This sounds like you want to be a filmmaker to me. I feel like you waited a long time to tie this into law and that the conclusion was really random from the story.


That was what I was afraid of. Thanks for the comment! I'm going to try to introduce elements of the last paragraph much earlier then.

CanadianWolf
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:24 am

It's unclear as to why you want to attend law school; is it to become a trial attorney in order to tell others' stories or is it to create laws that protect creative property rights ? Your reason for wanting to attend law school is important because that is how you concluded your personal statement essay.

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kwais
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby kwais » Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:31 am

CanadianWolf wrote:It's unclear as to why you want to attend law school; is it to become a trial attorney in order to tell others' stories or is it to create laws that protect creative property rights ? Your reason for wanting to attend law school is important because that is how you concluded your personal statement essay.


+1 I thought you were going trial attorney. but, I'd def. let you in to my film making school

grimfan
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby grimfan » Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:42 am

CanadianWolf wrote:It's unclear as to why you want to attend law school; is it to become a trial attorney in order to tell others' stories or is it to create laws that protect creative property rights ? Your reason for wanting to attend law school is important because that is how you concluded your personal statement essay.


My reason is that I want to either create or practice law that protects creative property rights. Thanks for your comment! I now see how that is quite unclear.

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kaftka juice
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby kaftka juice » Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:02 pm

I'm not sure if you can change this ps into a law school ps by just tweaking it. I think it is fundamental structured as a "I love film-making" essay and it would behoove you to start a new essay entirely.

You can still write about your positive experiences directing, but I would focus the essay on the challenges you overcame to achieve this rather than on the details. You should show how skills you used in making the film correspond to skills useful in law.

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CorkBoard
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby CorkBoard » Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:15 pm

kaftka juice wrote:I'm not sure if you can change this ps into a law school ps by just tweaking it. I think it is fundamental structured as a "I love film-making" essay and it would behoove you to start a new essay entirely.

You can still write about your positive experiences directing, but I would focus the essay on the challenges you overcame to achieve this rather than on the details. You should show how skills you used in making the film correspond to skills useful in law.



+1

grimfan
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Re: First draft of personal statement... Please critique!

Postby grimfan » Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:43 pm

kaftka juice wrote:I'm not sure if you can change this ps into a law school ps by just tweaking it. I think it is fundamental structured as a "I love film-making" essay and it would behoove you to start a new essay entirely.

You can still write about your positive experiences directing, but I would focus the essay on the challenges you overcame to achieve this rather than on the details. You should show how skills you used in making the film correspond to skills useful in law.


Yeah, I realize that I should've added more specific details about media-related legal issues that I'm interested in, such as video upload copyright issues, crowdfunding and other capital-raising financial/legal issues, M&A involving media conglomerates, etc.

Thanks!




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