So like I wrote before, I am going to write about 3 personal statements and then decide on which one would be the best at the end of the day. I have written another draft below, which I think is more unique and hits close to home that the one on the OP.
Please read and off your criticisms. As much as some of the comments were unfavorably, It drove me harder to write a more personable PS.
“My name is uh…. uh…uh…Sa…Sa…. XXXXXXX and I am six years old.” As nerve-wracking as I was on that day, I finally had passed the biggest hurdle of my life till then. From the time I can remember talking, I had always been a habitual stutterer. Introduce something in the first sentence to lend a more natural conclusion that you are a stutterer, don't just say it. I remember it Don't use "it"; having introduced the issue, use a term that indicates adversity being so bad that my peers back then would make fun of me and I would come home crying everyday. The day I started kindergarten, I was so afraid to go that I remembered peeing my bed Delete this; it throws flow off and tried thinking of an excuse to not go to school. My mom answered that request by putting a good amount of spanking on me and I finally realized that going to school, facing my fears and been away from home Grammatical errors as noted, but "facing my fears" is just too obvious; write to lend an inference that this is what you were doing is better than getting spanked early in the morning at 6. My parents were disciplinarians who think about where the belt was first, and questioning later so I knew that I didn’t have a choice but to grew up and leave for school.
According to the Stuttering Foundation of America, stuttering affects about 68 million people in the world and I am glad to proclaim that not only was I one of the 68 million, I am one of the lucky few who have used this “disorder” not as an excuse but as a tool that drives who I am today. You introduce the issue well, and then derail it. Do not make your conclusions and statements so obvious, again, write in a way that your reader comes to the conclusion. Since I was the 1st born in my family and due to the fact that I was the first one who developed a stuttering problem, my parents actually thought that I had a major learning disorder and they told me that they tried to convince the doctor that there was something wrong with me. It took awhile for my family to accept who I was back then Good, wrap this sentence up here - then say something to the tune of "Their natural inclination was to deny my situation, but... and realized that instead of trying to deny the situation, they should accept it and find resourceful information for me to get treatment and be able to adapt to life. Now to make matters worse, No; AGAIN, your reader should come to *this* conclusion naturally I was born and spent the first 12 years of my life in Nigeria,
which did not help my case at all even though my form of stuttering wasn’t as severe as some other I knew and met later in life. as Stuttering in Nigeria is so looked down on, that below other major diseases and disorders such as AIDs, down syndrome and autism - move this further down. are seen a curse from God and families have been known to try to eradicate and disown children who they think are curses and may be unfit to live through lives. I was indeed lucky that my parents saw past the “failure” that I was supposed to be and they enjoyed the happiness that I brought them Do not use self-congratulatory language since they were a fairly new couple when I was born. My parents would tell me stories of not just friends, but family members who grew up very conservative about how much problems I would be in their lives and if there was a way I could be sent abroad to family members in England or the U.S. so that I wouldn’t be a burden in their lives. My parents forcefully got past all these criticisms and kept me with them until I attended boarding school in 6th grade because they believe that not only was I a blessing, I would grow up to prove everyone wrong and be as successful as their kids would be. Very wishy-washy; demonstrate how they supported you in an active fashion and helped you to overcome your critics and demonstrate to them that despite their disciplinarian attitude they were proud of you because of X Y Z Life was indeed hard for me Do not plainly state this, lend an inference because I realized how outspoken I could have been growing up, but was dragged down by looking like a fool when I raise my hand up in class trying to answer a question or when I gave that presentation in 7th grade about the assassination of J.F.K. Relevance? *That presentation* what presentation? Not showing overcoming adversity here
Currently, it can be seen that not only have I taken control of this “disorder” in my life, but I tackle what everyone around me see as a flaw in my life. Again, INFERENTIAL writing; "Having lived with what is termed a disorder, I have a great appreciation for those with their own seemingly debilitating issues, because...
I credited my speech teacher in 6th grade who helped me develop technics like thinking ahead before speaking and dissecting information in my brain so that I won’t go back to that kid in kindergarten who hated every time he had to talk to a friend, talk to a teacher, or give a presentation in middle school.When I realized that I wanted to be learn and hopefully practice law, I wasn’t just trying to speak for myself when it comes to the law, I see myself as a piece of a puzzle when it comes to expression of speech. Good, now EXPAND on this. I could have allowed stuttering to take control of my life, but I pushed on cliche and with the help of some peers and a determined teachers in my life, I can be seen as a success story, instead of what the end result could have been. Now, I am the first one in a class to raise his hand, or give a presentation and not feel like a burden or look like a fool in front of my peers.
Now to the other 67,999,999 people in the world who has some sort of stuttering, this statement is for them and hopes that they live life to the fullest, because the only obstacle in life is one that we allow to be an obstacle.