My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Live.Laugh.LAW
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My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby Live.Laugh.LAW » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:22 pm

Hey guys just finished the first draft of my personal statement. I really aimed at showing the schools that I did have strong emotions especially towards weight lifting, that I knew how to work under pressure, and that I knew what regret felt like.

Why do I, _____, wish to practice law? Quite the rhetorical statement from my perspective and yet not from yours. The following three paragraphs are a story in which I will explain has molded me into the person I am today.

I had been thinking of the gym all day. I was hungry, didn't have any lunch. In fact, I didn't eat because I spent the money. For the past month I was saving up for something. Something special which I bought at GNC. I was surprised they didn't ask for ID; I was pretty sure the cashier noticed how nervous I was. Anyways, my mom asked my how my day was when I got home, but I ignored her. I have more important things to do. I run to the bathroom and unpack my bag. In my school bag is a white plastic bag from GNC. I open the bag, first removing the receipt and flushing it down the toilet to get rid of the evidence. My heart was racing now. I unpack the creatine monster from the bag.

I wonder what people will be asking me when they see that I will be 50lbs heavier. Should I say I was just eating a lot? I remove the label from the tub and tear it into a thousand small pieces. I flush that down the toilet, too. It is time now. I run up to my room when my mom ask me what I am holding. I panic, sweat drips down my forehead and my teeth chatter. "Mom, it's just for a school project". "What project?" "I don't know mom I just started it!". A tear runs down my cheek. I run upstairs and open the creatine, scooping upservings into a clear water bottle. What have I gotten myself into? I fill it with water and drink it. There is no turning back now. The creatine monster is inside me now, it will control me. What should I do if I die? I cant let my family know about this.

I open the creatine tub and throw it all out the window; a white cloud of mysterious dust sparkles into the wind so graciously. I feel the substance taking control of me; I am now the monster. I walk downstairs, its time to work out; time to get big. Now I worry, I don't want to get too big; people will think I use steroids. I do use steroids. No I don't. Creatine. All I see is the weights now, I am almost downstairs when I hear "Do you want a cookie I just baked". I know I do not have time for this **** now. "No mom I do not want a cookie" I walk in the basement and drop to my knees before the weights, tears running down my cheeks. I turn to the right and look at myself in the mirror. Oh god, what have I done?

__________


I need help with the ending. How do I end this?

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No13baby
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby No13baby » Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:04 pm

Edit for fake PS.
Last edited by No13baby on Thu Sep 01, 2011 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thederangedwang
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby thederangedwang » Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:39 pm

Since you told me to be harsh, I will be.....this ps is really really really bad. I would go into more detail but I honestly don't even know where to start....sry...it really is that bad. Quite frankly, I do not think it is salvageable.....if it is, it would be with another ps completely on maybe a theme that is only tangentially related to the one current.

4910
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:42 pm

Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby 4910 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:22 pm

lol this is the worst ps i have read so far on these boards. what were you thinking man?

4910
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby 4910 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:24 pm

i read it one more time and i have say thanks for making me laugh today

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sach1282
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby sach1282 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:36 pm

Wow... Reading this out loud to to my wife nearly brought tears to our eyes.

Read this in your head with the voice of the kid sounding like Napoleon Dynamite. It fits perfectly.

In all honesty though, you really need to completely start over. Read some samples in the sample thread here on the boards to get a better idea of what to do before you write anything more.
Last edited by sach1282 on Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

clseller
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Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 2:53 am

Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby clseller » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:41 pm

watchout OP, the next logical step is dat dere celltech

lol at people giving real advice

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Jack Smirks
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby Jack Smirks » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:48 pm

So stupid.

freestallion
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Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:17 pm

Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby freestallion » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:52 pm

Um.... wow. WTF does this have to do with law school? This is definitely one of the worst PS's I have seen here. It sounds ridiculous. Is this a joke, seriously?

It is a hilarious read though. :lol:

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descartesb4thehorse
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby descartesb4thehorse » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:03 pm

Rivals PreLawDelt? Or is that heresy on these boards?

PLD: 'Do you know the legal definition of “sexually explicit”?'

Live.Laugh.LAW: "I know I do not have time for this **** now."

PLD I think was serious. LLL is a TTTroll.

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glitched
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby glitched » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:07 pm

I'd end it with this:

So why do I,______, wish to practice law? You tell me - I think it's quite clear now why it was, and/or is, a rhetorical question to me and now after telling you my story, it has become a rhetorical question to you. Oh in case you were wondering, I ate a cookie when I went back inside.

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eaglemuncher
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby eaglemuncher » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:16 pm

Wait..Did people take this seriously? Obviously a joke, not really that funny. I am kinda perplexed

4910
Posts: 142
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:42 pm

Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby 4910 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:24 pm

i ruled our troll because i can't imagine anyone sitting on their computer writing a page long essay just to troll a law school forum. i am still going to go with human incompetence.

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commoner
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby commoner » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:35 pm

I would seriously get someone to write it for you. Sheesh and I am not the world's greatest writer.

Army2Law
Posts: 154
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2009 4:35 pm

Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby Army2Law » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:40 pm

OP, this is a 180 Personal Statement. I think it's just missing a discussion of how you motivated yourself by looking at pictures of alpha HBS doods everyday.

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moopness
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby moopness » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:40 pm

That was the best PoS I've ever read.

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TaipeiMort
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby TaipeiMort » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:53 pm

Edit. This is not serious.

Fark-o-vision
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby Fark-o-vision » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:12 am

Just for what it's worth, Creatine isn't cheating and it certainly isn't a steroid.

Terrible PS

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minnbills
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby minnbills » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:25 am

That was hilarious, thanks OP for the comedy.

and this:

clseller wrote:lol at people giving real advice

shoeshine
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby shoeshine » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:29 am

BEST PS EVER!!!

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Bildungsroman
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby Bildungsroman » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:46 am

I enjoyed it.

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vanwinkle
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Re: My Personal Statement (Please be harsh - SRS).

Postby vanwinkle » Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:06 pm

Live.Laugh.LAW wrote:I need help with the ending. How do I end this?

How about with a bang?

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