Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
WashULawyer
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:33 pm

Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby WashULawyer » Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:35 pm

......
Last edited by WashULawyer on Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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esq
Posts: 571
Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:59 pm

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby esq » Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:12 pm

My overall impression: :roll:

You display quite a bit of unfounded hubris in this statement. I think that you need to really work on explaining what makes you a 'diamond' among law students by helping the reader to understand that you have actually accomplished something as a 'legal man' that makes you stand out. Because you spend more time trying to qualify yourself as this so called 'legal man' by talking about how you read the Talmud (as most Orthodox Jewish boys did) and how you studied legal concepts in high school (a time when you couldn't possibly understand the law as Stanford intended you to), you lead me to believe that you are actually garbage as a law school student. The only thing that you say about your accomplishments in law school is "My first year in law school has done nothing but reaffirm my love for legal studies. I have excelled in my classes while learning on the fly what type of effort is required to become a truly great legal thinker and practitioner. This is the first time in my life when work and play are one and the same. " WTF?

Needs specifics my friend. And lose the self entitlement.

dakatz
Posts: 2460
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2008 4:19 pm

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby dakatz » Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:27 pm

-You call the majority of applicants opportunists who are in it for money or prestige. Focus on yourself, and don't waste time bringing down other applicants.

-You say that even those with good grades will have unrefined legal thinking and a limited potential. Who are you to make this assessment? And once again, why are you wasting valuable PS space talking poorly of others?

-"This is the way it works"? Once again, what puts your on the pedestal to make such an assessment of how things "work"?


The whole essay gets progressively better as it goes along with regard to tone, attitude, and content. Its the beginning that really turned me off, and once the reader forms a negative opinion, it transposes itself over everything else. So I'd really ditch the tone of the opening.

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby kublaikahn » Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:31 pm

Start over. Is this a flame?

saladfiend
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:19 pm

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby saladfiend » Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:36 pm

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Last edited by saladfiend on Mon Jun 20, 2011 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

WashULawyer
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:33 pm

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby WashULawyer » Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:09 pm

.......
Last edited by WashULawyer on Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby kublaikahn » Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:15 pm

.
Last edited by kublaikahn on Wed Jun 15, 2011 11:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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ShuckingNotJiving
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:24 am

Re: Please help with Transfer App personal statement.

Postby ShuckingNotJiving » Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:12 pm

WashULawyer wrote:I did not intend to sound pompous and feel that a lot of that might have stemmed from me following the "There Will Be Blood" script. I have revised my PS and would love for everyone to continue ripping into it..



This is not f'real. Nobody does this. Right?

....Right?

(and i mean, really, out of all the movies you could have based your ps on)




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