Transfer PS critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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jdubb990
Posts: 184
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:16 am

Transfer PS critique

Postby jdubb990 » Wed May 25, 2011 8:12 pm

Please critique my transfer personal statement. This is my first draft but the due date is coming up soon, so any help would be appreciated. I also posted this in the transfer forum, both forums seem appropriate.

A semester of law school is much like a marathon with an added sprint to the finish line for the exam period. It did not take me long to discover this as I spent many nights staying awake until the wee hours of the morning briefing cases and editing legal writing assignments. When exams approached, the tape at the finish line was in plain sight and I was ready to break through it and come out on top, showing my mettle as the best first year law student at XXXXXXX law school. I initially showed my potential in the first leg of the race when I made the highest grade, and only A, on the only graded mid-term my section had during the fall semester. I wanted to show that I could repeat this success across the board in all of my substantive classes during final exams. Yet sometimes life throws a curveball, and even though we see the ball breaking and a strikeout is certain, due to our determination to win we still swing for the fence. When my grandmother passed away a week before exams, that is exactly what happened to me, I wanted so badly to hit a home run by acing my exams that I took them regardless of my bereavement due to the loss of my grandmother who has meant the world to me as long as I can remember. Regardless of the results of my first semester grades I still know that I am capable of great success. During Spring semester my success continued both in and out of the classroom. Being someone who realizes the value of networking I began carving a niche in the XXXXX legal market, by voluntarily attending Continuing Legal Education seminars and XXXXX Bar events. My attempts paid off when I was selected by the XXXXXX bar to be the XXXXXX student representative for the XXXXXX Bar Young Lawyers Division Student Counsel. It is my deepest desire to continue the successful path which I have begun of my legal career at the University of South Carolina Law School. My roots run deep with the state of South Carolina and the University of South Carolina. I am well aware of the University of South Carolina School of Law’s history, and I want nothing more than to contribute to that history and devote my efforts and talents to furthering its prestige. While taking my Fall Semester Property class I became attracted to the field of probate after studying estates and future interests. The University of South Carolina School of Law is a perfect fit for my interest as I am both interested in working with professor Alan Medlin and writing onto the Real Property, Trust & Estate Law Journal. I am ready to come home, back to South Carolina and the University of South Carolina School of Law, both are the place for me.
Last edited by jdubb990 on Wed May 25, 2011 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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krasivaya
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:49 pm

Re: Transfer PS critique

Postby krasivaya » Wed May 25, 2011 8:40 pm

Seems a bit, you know, nonexistent.

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icecold3000
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: Transfer PS critique

Postby icecold3000 » Wed May 25, 2011 10:41 pm

What are the schools guide lines for your transfer PS?

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soaponarope
Posts: 169
Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:02 pm

Re: Transfer PS critique

Postby soaponarope » Wed May 25, 2011 11:55 pm

jdubb990 wrote:Please critique my transfer personal statement. This is my first draft but the due date is coming up soon, so any help would be appreciated. I also posted this in the transfer forum, both forums seem appropriate.

A semester of law school is much like a marathon with an added sprint to the finish line for the exam period. It did not take me long to discover this as I spent many nights staying awake until the wee hours of the morning briefing cases and editing legal writing assignments. When exams approached, the tape at the finish line was in plain sight and I was ready to break through it and come out on top, showing my mettle as the best first year law student at XXXXXXX law school. I initially showed my potential in the first leg of the race when I made the highest grade, and only A, on the only graded mid-term my section had during the fall semester. I wanted to show that I could repeat this success across the board in all of my substantive classes during final exams. Yet sometimes life throws a curveball, and even though we see the ball breaking and a strikeout is certain, due to our determination to win we still swing for the fence. When my grandmother passed away a week before exams, that is exactly what happened to me, I wanted so badly to hit a home run by acing my exams that I took them regardless of my bereavement due to the loss of my grandmother who has meant the world to me as long as I can remember. Regardless of the results of my first semester grades I still know that I am capable of great success. During Spring semester my success continued both in and out of the classroom. Being someone who realizes the value of networking I began carving a niche in the XXXXX legal market, by voluntarily attending Continuing Legal Education seminars and XXXXX Bar events. My attempts paid off when I was selected by the XXXXXX bar to be the XXXXXX student representative for the XXXXXX Bar Young Lawyers Division Student Counsel. It is my deepest desire to continue the successful path which I have begun of my legal career at the University of South Carolina Law School. My roots run deep with the state of South Carolina and the University of South Carolina. I am well aware of the University of South Carolina School of Law’s history, and I want nothing more than to contribute to that history and devote my efforts and talents to furthering its prestige. While taking my Fall Semester Property class I became attracted to the field of probate after studying estates and future interests. The University of South Carolina School of Law is a perfect fit for my interest as I am both interested in working with professor Alan Medlin and writing onto the Real Property, Trust & Estate Law Journal. I am ready to come home, back to South Carolina and the University of South Carolina School of Law, both are the place for me.


I would cut out the BS and just get to the point... the stuff about grandma belongs in the addendum (imho)... it screams excuses and doesn't belong in your puff peice. The whole baseball analogy is wasted space (again, jmo). And everyone is staying up in the wee mornings working on legal assignments. That information does not add anything to your PS.

Assuming the statement is supposed to revolve around "why" you want to transfer to X school, as most transfer PS do... you need to hammer that home. Explain why your roots run deep with the State of South Carolina (family? used to live there? fiancée?). Do you have any evidence/info on your resume to back up your interest in Real Property/Trust and Estates? Explain what part of South Carolina's history captured your interest and how it relates your compelling reason to transfer to said school.




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