PS start

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
erikordos
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:16 pm

PS start

Postby erikordos » Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:21 pm

This is the the start to my PS, just the first 2 paragraphs. Let me know if it is decent or if I should stop and start over. Thanks

Was college something that I was fully prepared for? The answer is no. I started my higher education at _____ University without the slightest clue as to what I would ultimately major in. My lack of drive and motivation is reflected in my performance. My animosity for the institution grew immensely in that first year which led me to transfer to ______ University to start my sophomore year. Academia still took a back seat to my social life for my first two years. It was not until my senior year that I came to the realization that I was settling for mediocrity. Self loathing never has positive ends; one must work with what they have, in my case, what I have done. My inability to proverbially “wake up” and take education seriously was something that I came to regret. Determined to make amends I strove to achieve my final year as an undergraduate. My ambition resulted in high marks in each of my courses and dean’s list recognition both semesters.

It is not my intention to convey my first three years of higher education as squandered negligence. While my level of commitment to coursework may have been low, I grew morally. I am now at a state where I poise myself as a pacifist, a humanitarian, a libertarian, an atheist, and a citizen of the world. I have a deep seeded love for equality and liberty that unites these beliefs within my being.

bhan87
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:08 pm

Re: PS start

Postby bhan87 » Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:28 pm

erikordos wrote:This is the the start to my PS, just the first 2 paragraphs. Let me know if it is decent or if I should stop and start over. Thanks

Was college something that I was fully prepared for? The answer is no. I started my higher education at _____ University without the slightest clue as to what I would ultimately major in. My lack of drive and motivation is reflected in my performance. My animosity for the institution grew immensely in that first year which led me to transfer to ______ University to start my sophomore year. Academia still took a back seat to my social life for my first two years. It was not until my senior year that I came to the realization that I was settling for mediocrity. Self loathing never has positive ends; one must work with what they have, in my case, what I have done. My inability to proverbially “wake up” and take education seriously was something that I came to regret. Determined to make amends I strove to achieve my final year as an undergraduate. My ambition resulted in high marks in each of my courses and dean’s list recognition both semesters.


Way too negative... This paragraph portrays you as a student who, in desperation in senior year, decided to study harder. Typically writing about poor grade performance is NOT a good topic for a PS and is something that is better left to an addendum. If you are going to write about your poor grades, you need to connect it to some hardship you encountered. "I didn't like my school" or "I partied too hard" are very poor excuses and will likely hurt your chances at admission.

Also, the last part of this paragraph is just listing off something that's apparent on your transcript. How about describing some specific story that went along with this trend.

erikordos wrote:It is not my intention to convey my first three years of higher education as squandered negligence. While my level of commitment to coursework may have been low, I grew morally. I am now at a state where I poise myself as a pacifist, a humanitarian, a libertarian, an atheist, and a citizen of the world. I have a deep seeded love for equality and liberty that unites these beliefs within my being.


Just no... A pretty terrible paragraph overall. Instead of listing off generalities, how about describing a significant experience that demonstrates these qualities instead?

This PS needs to go back to the drawing board.

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Leira7905
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:42 pm

Re: PS start

Postby Leira7905 » Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:32 pm

IMHO I think you should find something else to write about. It seems like you're trying to include information/explainations that would be better conveyed in an addendum. Your personal statement should be unique and make you stand out from other applicants. You'll want to write about something that makes you different.

A lot of people screw off in the beginning of undergrad, and improve as they get closer to graduating.... that's nothing special. And, they can see that from your transcripts anyway.

Also, if you're gonna mention your religious beliefs (atheism) then it should be used to describe diversity or overcoming adversity or something. I don't think simply stating that you're an atheist does anything for you on it's own, and it may turn some people off without an impressive story along with it.

These are just my thoughts....

erikordos
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:16 pm

Re: PS start

Postby erikordos » Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:32 am

Thank you both, I had no idea where to start. I have been reading examples and simply cannot come up with any decent ideas... I will scrap this nonsense and start again.

bhan87
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:08 pm

Re: PS start

Postby bhan87 » Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:43 am

erikordos wrote:Thank you both, I had no idea where to start. I have been reading examples and simply cannot come up with any decent ideas... I will scrap this nonsense and start again.


Do you have any memorable experiences during your undergrad life that demonstrated leadership, ingenuity, or resolve? Often the best personal statements are those that delve deeply into one specific experience that speaks to multiple characteristics of the applicant.

I personally found this guide to be VERY useful when I was coming up with a topic:

http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to ... ments.html

Read through this carefully to see what they consider a good and bad personal statement. I personally found that one important experience explained well is much more valuable than multiple experiences listed off. It might take some experimenting to figure out which experience(s) to pick, but I recommend starting off writing a statement that describes all your memorable experiences in detail without regards to a page limit. Through that process, you might encounter some eureka moments that will point you in the right direction.

Best of luck to you!




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