Anyone Want To Review This PS For Me?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Anyone Want To Review This PS For Me?

Postby ceereeus420 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:31 pm

Last edited by ceereeus420 on Fri Nov 07, 2014 9:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Anyone Want To Review This PS For Me?

Postby nerdherder » Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:53 am

Last edited by nerdherder on Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Anyone Want To Review This PS For Me?

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:22 am

This is not a well done personal statement. Most of your writing rehashes your resume or irrelevant high school activities--such as staying late after wrestling practice to instruct others. Poorly written. Uses six paragraphs to share one paragraph worth of material. Suggests that you are young, still reliving high school glory days & not quite ready for the mature intellectual demands of law school.

The first three paragraphs should be condensed into a single sentence. The final three paragraphs of this six paragraph essay should be reduced to two or three sentences total.

The wrestling theme just doesn't work. It offers only repetitive superficial glimpses of you & your inner psychological framework. This is a lightweight effort even if written by a high school student seeking admission to a local college.

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Re: Anyone Want To Review This PS For Me?

Postby sparty99 » Thu Mar 03, 2011 7:23 pm

This does not sound like an essay written by someone who is trying to get into a PROFESSIONAL PROGRAM. You sounded like you were a high school senior applying to college.

You need come correct. Wrestling is unique sport, but you need to tell me if you wrestled in college or high school. If it's just a high school sport, then I really don't know why you would spend so much time explaining something you did in HIGH SCHOOL.

Also, the last few paragraphs are weak and naive. Fighting "injustice" blah, blah, blah. This is one aspect of a lawyer. Your role as a lawyer will mostly be document review, research, etc. It sounds as if you have not truly researched what a lawyer does by simply stating that you want to fight injustice.

You talk about awards (as if I couldn't get this from the resume). You also name drop your dad/mom (who cares that they are the county prosecutor).....You also use awkward language - "legal commune," "sit on the cusp of Law School."

This is not a strong statement or effective. Wrestling can be a unqiue feature of your background, but you need to better explain how this has shaped you and THIS IS NOT A SUBJECT you should discuss UNLESS you were involved in wrestling throughout college - whether as a player or a coach to younger kids.

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Re: Anyone Want To Review This PS For Me?

Postby LSATclincher » Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:10 pm

Agreed with the last 2 posts. You really can't mention high school experiences in a law school PS unless they are truly remarkable and unique. You're competing with individuals who have accomplished big things in their current lives.

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