PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

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osumccoy.348
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PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby osumccoy.348 » Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:54 pm

Discuss items of interest from my personal, educational, or cultural background that distinguishes me as a potential law student.

I still remember my first law school class. I participated and was even acknowledged by the professor. I distinctly remember raising my hand in the middle of class and trying to explain a certain aspect of the discussed topic. Only my experience was not as an enrolled student but rather as the son of an enrolled student. I was seven and my mother was attending classes at the Oklahoma City School of Law and allowed me to come with her. Financial turbulence led to my attendance that day as we could not afford daycare at the time. It began the first of many times I would attend law related events with my mother and with it inspire me to apply to law school after college. My appreciation for the study of law would carry into my adult life, leading to my formal request for admission to Ohio Northern University to enroll in the Claude W. Pettit College of Law.
My desire to attend law school began with my role model. My mother became my role model for more than the typical reasons. She balanced raising three kids on her own while earning her JD. She would go on to earn her LLM in business and taxation at Capital Law School after graduation. It took growing up and experiencing the down side of life to realize what my mother gave up to raise me right. The sacrifices she made would leave a lasting impact in helping me develop my values and define what it means to be strong in the face of adversity. My life has been filled with experiences and moments that have shaped who I am and what I value, but not without a price. During my junior and senior years, my mother was hospitalized for diabetes and severe liver disease. Seeing my role model, my motivation, my mother in that critical state convinced me to not let life slip by me, but to grow as a student, a son and a person. It was these difficult times from which I would emerge stronger than ever. Through this adversity, my desire to change the course of my life began when I saw how much potential my mother had to succeed in the field of law, only to be taken from her in a battle she was losing. This prompted me to assume personal responsibility and seek a more mature, academic based lifestyle. I now understand the rigor of law schools and have chosen a course in life that helps exemplify my personal qualities so that I may utilize them as a successful law student seeking to make a substantial impact in society.
I now seek out leadership roles where I can best implement my problem solving skills. During my leadership experience at the Princeton Review, our team faced a major organizational problem. We were responsible for covering one of the largest universities in the country to actively attract students to the company. In order to increase efficiency and expand our efforts in marketing, I personally took it upon myself to research and organize a comprehensive list that detailed prep-test programs and their connections with student organizations and subject-specific buildings on campus, which I sent to my supervisor. I viewed my actions as a calling to improve my workplace and the people around me. I view my interest in law in the same frame of mind, as a calling to benefit the legal workplace and the people within the community.
After I had briefly toured the beautiful campus while visiting a friend of mine, I knew ONU would be my top choice for me. Beyond your impressive alumni, the programs offered within the school are desirable opportunities. I have a vested interest in joining ONU’s Law Review, Moot Court and the Pro Bono and Public Interest programs because they are relevant to my goals as a juris doctor prospect. I also wish to give back to society and this goal The Pro Bono and Public Interest Programs are two programs I am heavily interested in. I have a newfound interest to better my community, in return for my community giving so much to me.
I believe the duration of my college experience, though seemingly lackadaisical on paper, was in fact a turning point in my life that I embrace and plan to implement in my career. What seems like a day and night transition, I see as an unequivocal sense of maturation and newfound motivation that I am certain will benefit me both as a student at your law school and as an attorney here in the great state of Ohio. From the clinical programs in criminal law and government to the more than impressive staff and alumni, I see myself not only succeeding but also making a difference in Ada and where my future in practicing law takes me next.

rose711
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby rose711 » Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:22 pm

Can you edit this to break up the paragraphs I am having a hard time reading this massive block of text. The opening bit is cute though..And at the end, I would never describe myself as lackadaisical.

Also, I've been to Ada...are you sure you want to go there? Maybe a better question is how did you decide to go to Ada out of all the schools there are in the country?
Last edited by rose711 on Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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OGR3
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby OGR3 » Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:39 pm

Retake or don't go to law school.

There are NINE law schools in Ohio. Ohio Northern is in ADA, which obviously is not a market sizable enough to handle 10 annual grads, let alone over 100.

There are few TTTs with worse employment options than Ohio Northern.

PLEASE LOOK AT THIS:

--LinkRemoved--

sparty99
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby sparty99 » Sun Feb 20, 2011 3:27 am

I will not discuss until you repost this essay with paragraph breaks....

Also, yeah, why are you trying to go to Ohio Northern? Like, no. If you're going to go tier III that costs $33,000, at least chose a school with a strong name or reputation in the city/state. Like, MIZZOU, Loyola New Orleans, Howard, Arkansas, Texas Tech, Michigan State, Penn State....

LSATclincher
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby LSATclincher » Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:35 pm

First, ignore the below posters. This is the PS forum, so I will answer your post regarding the PS only. I thought this was another good story ruined by a late "why x law school para." I really like your opening anecdote; it's very clever. The whole story really works up until the end when you quit talking about you, and begin talking about them. I think it's a waste of para unless it's required. I also agree with the one poster that your conclusion is very weak and negative. Change the conclusion entirely.

The grammar, overall, does need editing. I like your concise, mature tone. But some sentences just sound awkward. I remember one sentencing ending with the word "in."

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jenesaislaw
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby jenesaislaw » Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:29 am

I think you need simpler, more direct sentences.

P1 thoughts:

Is it meaningful to say you acknowledged after saying you participated? My first read through was a negative experience because of the second sentence; it sounds too gunnerish (eager is okay, though). Something simple like, "I raised my hand to offer my take on the conversation."

Don't mention OKC School of Law. Doesn't add, just distracts and makes me wonder why you want to go to Ohio.

I'd spend the "I was seven" sentence talking about some of your childhood characteristics. Maybe you liked to ask questions or liked to listen. Perhaps you can tie observational skills into your mother, and how you watched and learned from her.

The important thing in the next sentence is that you were poor, not that it led to your attending (I think, at least). It's a segue to why your mother was a role model, because she made something out of nothing, so I think the emphasis should be on grounding that "nothing."

I also don't think it's great to say/imply you appreciate "study of law" because of experiences you had as a child in a law class. You did not appreciate what was happening at the time, and even if you did, nobody will believe it.

P2 thoughts:

I thought your desire began with attending classes?

Strike "Capital Law School" mention, although at least it's an Ohio school.

I don't see you showing how your experiences made you realize what she gave up. I also don't see why this is relevant to you at this point, and I want to know by now. The next 2 or 3 sentences all say the same exact thing (which amount to a ton of wasted space).

Changing the course of your life? Were you headed down the wrong path? This story is not about you at all. I have no idea what you're talking about.

P3:

Uh, what?

P4:

Agree with the other poster - nix this unless it's in the prompt.

P5:

Nobody knows your life. By this I mean two things. First, I can't tell what happened at all in it from this story. Second, you are supposed to sell yourself.

Also, it doesn't seem like you read this over. Grammar needs a ton of help.

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unc0mm0n1
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby unc0mm0n1 » Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:33 am

some of you guys are mean (the first few posters after the OP). Although you did make me laugh. There appears to be no law school worth going too after the T14 (actually to many TLS'ers T6).

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esq
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Re: PLEASE HELPP. Ohio Northern Personal Statement

Postby esq » Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:12 pm

I think your PS is a bit too ambiguous. You need to fill in the blanks with details. You make a lot of claims, but do not answer the question: how?

-"This prompted me to assume personal responsibility and seek a more mature, academic based lifestyle." How? Examples.

-"I now understand the rigor of law schools and have chosen a course in life that helps exemplify my personal qualities so that I may utilize them as a successful law student seeking to make a substantial impact in society." Really? Tell me about it.

-"I now seek out leadership roles where I can best implement my problem solving skills." Like what? Working one job does not qualify this statement.

-"I have a newfound interest to better my community, in return for my community giving so much to me." Explain this. I am more apt to believe this statement, especially in a PS where the writer cannot explicitly point to community service experience, if you help me to see that you understand the needs of your community and how to address them.

You need to be less ambiguous.

-"During my leadership experience at the Princeton Review" Sounds like you are purposefully spinning this. Be specific: "As a sales manager at Princeton Review," or whatever it was. It also comes off as more honest if you tell it straight.

Watch your grammar, be more concise.

-"After I had passive briefly toured the beautiful campus while visiting a friend of mine ONU, I knew ONU it would be was my top choice for me already said this."




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