Personal Statement: A specific law school p.s.

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rmschiesser
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2011 2:29 pm

Personal Statement: A specific law school p.s.

Postby rmschiesser » Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:17 pm

right off the bat, I know there are some problems here. The prompt for this essay was: "How have you tried to effect change in an issue of personal, local, or national significance." Pretty flowery I know. But anyway, let it rip. I'm trying to get a sence of whether the argument is weak or I need a totally new shift in material ad focus, assuming I have atleast some focus here. Thanks a lot.


My boots thump at the hollow floor of the National Forest Service’s outpost as I sign in as the leader of the first guided group of the weekend. We are a team of five, intending to ascend Mt. Baker’s Easton Glacier route. The facility’s gift shop is adorned with plant identification books and stuffed animal mountain goats for sale. I rein my group in from their shopping binge and we gather around a large format photograph encompassing an entire wall. Taken in 1942, the photo gives some pause to several of my clientele, “We’re going to climb that?” they mutter. After I address several important glacial features that will be essential in navigating our way up the mountain, I explain that, “Of course, we’ll try”. My work as a mountain guide has allowed me the opportunity to instill a personal connection to global environmental problems on my clientele. Before we depart for the mountain, I am sure to make evident the precise point at which the glacier terminates in the photo in relation to our intended route.

My goal as a mountain guide is to let loose my passion for climbing and the mountains while simultaneously building on a tone of environmental awareness. My passion for climbing comes from the quality of devotion I have displayed in pursuing it: international expeditions, and cutting-edge first ascents. The clientele of course pay for this; they love the romantic notion of the pro-climber. It’s just too easy to let this culture of “extreme”, that is, mountain climbing culture, hi-jack the trip and make exclusive, a message about some individualized sense of self-worth. To avoid this notion completely is impossible. Mountain climbing is a selfish act. However, in my line of work, I choose to go past this. As I lead the group through the low pine forests, I am careful to note the standards, by which we travel, a leave-no-trace mentality which governs our mode of life in the wilderness.

Basking in the glow of my lifestyle compared to the demographic of my clientele lends well to self-evaluation and fluent self-awareness in both the client and myself. It is only through this contrast that I am able to find a connection and use this as an educational tool. Their romanticized notion of a “guide’s life” and the realities of sleeping in a sleeping bag 200 days out of the year along side my notion of the upper class comforts and the realities of the indentured work week, brings us closer. Through this contrast I am able bring the modes of environmental awareness to light in almost a guiltless prose not always associated with environmental education. In this sense I am able to regard facts and concepts as the method of argument without politicizing the trip.

As my group and I near the end of a long glacial moraine we look up onto the glaciers snout as refrigerator size blocks calve into the rubble below. I present them with a crucial fact; the Easton glacier has now retreated a quarter-mile and has lost significant volume as compared to the ranger station photograph.

There’s a logical conclusion I come to in asserting the premise of the facts I provide my clientele; that there is a tangible impact in instilling the image that glacial retreat that we witness is a direct impact of our actions as overtly industrious people on the planet. In order to make this claim I must first assume that the direct impact of our travels is worth the mere visual of a disappearing glacier. However, it is from my devotion to providing sound logical thinking that has allowed me to evade this irony. I propose to my clients that they take direct action and purchase carbon neutral credits to offset the trip’s impact and further instill the sense of urgent, actionable, personal responsibility in furthering our understanding of a global environmental issue.

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esq
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Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:59 pm

Re: Personal Statement: A specific law school p.s.

Postby esq » Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:45 pm

You've got to find a way to directly show how this experience relates to your interest in law school, what skills you will bring, and how this outlook will help you contribute to the law school itself. At this point it is unstated, but I think that your experience could easily be tailored into a good PS about environmental law.

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aguaman13
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Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 5:57 am

Re: Personal Statement: A specific law school p.s.

Postby aguaman13 » Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:54 am

A couple things that jumped out:

My passion for climbing comes from the quality of devotion I have displayed in pursuing it: international expeditions, and cutting-edge first ascents.


Your passion comes from your devotion? Isn't this argument circular? Couldn't your devotion just as easily be a result of your passion? I think you need to clean this up. Illogical statements may be damaging.

There’s a logical conclusion I come to in asserting the premise of the facts I provide my clientele; that there is a tangible impact in instilling the image that glacial retreat that we witness is a direct impact of our actions as overtly industrious people on the planet


This read really awkwardly to me.

HopefulFish
Posts: 200
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 2:27 pm

Re: Personal Statement: A specific law school p.s.

Postby HopefulFish » Mon Feb 14, 2011 6:22 pm

Use past tense to describe your experiences (you can still write in an active voice).




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