Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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aguaman13
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Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby aguaman13 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:18 am

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Last edited by aguaman13 on Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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helloperson
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby helloperson » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:18 am

Don't start with a quote. Also, you are trying to do way too much with this personal statement. There isn't nearly enough room to talk about every experience you had traveling, and it's probably not a good idea to scratch the surface of all your experiences. Pick 3 or 4 of these experiences and go into detail, showing how each one taught you an important lesson, or relate each one to a common theme. "Traveling" is too vague a theme to tie everything together.

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aguaman13
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby aguaman13 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 3:04 am

Thanks for the feedback. I thought the "organizing quote" structure was an acceptable path for the statement. The TLS book using it as an example.

In regards to the number of experiences that I covered, which ones would you find most powerful? I had actually selected these for the way in which the lessons apply to being a good law student and lawyer (dedication, discipline, passion, patience, empathy, sympathy, etc...).

The theme I was shooting for was travel as a source of education and self-improvement. Was this not conveyed?

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helloperson
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby helloperson » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:07 pm

aguaman13 wrote:Thanks for the feedback. I thought the "organizing quote" structure was an acceptable path for the statement. The TLS book using it as an example.

In regards to the number of experiences that I covered, which ones would you find most powerful? I had actually selected these for the way in which the lessons apply to being a good law student and lawyer (dedication, discipline, passion, patience, empathy, sympathy, etc...).

The theme I was shooting for was travel as a source of education and self-improvement. Was this not conveyed?



The theme was conveyed; I just felt it was too broad for a short 2 page essay. They are all interesting stories; just pick your favorites. I would definitely keep the Israeli/Palestinian one. You also only stay true to your theme of telling about your travels in the second paragraph, then you go on to explicitly discuss how the experiences have affected you.

Overall, it's good. I would try writing it

Intro to theme, explicitly state three valuable lessons and intro to associated stories in a thesis statement.
Story 1. Close paragraph explicitly stating lesson and relating to theme.
Story 2. Close paragraph explicitly stating lesson and relating to theme.
Story 3. Close paragraph explicitly stating lesson and relating to theme.
Conclude. Discuss the lessons and your theme; connect these experiences and your theme to something that extends beyond yourself.

Try it; you might hate it, but the clear structure makes it exceedingly easy to follow; i.e. if someone is glancing at your paper for 10 seconds, they can immediately know what your theme is, what your interesting stories are, and how those stories weave into the narrative you created.

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TommyK
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby TommyK » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:13 pm

aguaman13 wrote:Thanks for the feedback. I thought the "organizing quote" structure was an acceptable path for the statement. The TLS book using it as an example.


I was at an open house and the adcomm said that it was not a good way of opening a PS. Other adcomms nodded in agreement.

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aguaman13
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby aguaman13 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:13 pm

Thanks!

One more question: I tried a similar route, but was worried that I did not have enough about who I am. My numbers are decent for the public interest type schools that I am applying to, but shouldn't I mention some of my previous successes? Or should I just let me resume' speak for that?

Again, I really appreciate the feedback.

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aguaman13
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby aguaman13 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:17 pm

I was at an open house and the adcomm said that it was not a good way of opening a PS. Other adcomms nodded in agreement.[/quote]

Last point about the quote: I figured that Muhammed isn't often quoted, especially by a Jew, and that this my reflect an open-mindedness...probably a stretch...

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helloperson
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby helloperson » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:32 pm

aguaman13 wrote:Thanks!

One more question: I tried a similar route, but was worried that I did not have enough about who I am. My numbers are decent for the public interest type schools that I am applying to, but shouldn't I mention some of my previous successes? Or should I just let me resume' speak for that?

Again, I really appreciate the feedback.


Mention it, but don't go into detail. If it doesn't relate directly to your theme, lose it.

I was at an open house and the adcomm said that it was not a good way of opening a PS. Other adcomms nodded in agreement.


Which way? The way with the quote or the way I said?

You can keep the quote; just don't open with it.

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TommyK
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby TommyK » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:40 pm

helloperson wrote:
aguaman13 wrote:Thanks!

One more question: I tried a similar route, but was worried that I did not have enough about who I am. My numbers are decent for the public interest type schools that I am applying to, but shouldn't I mention some of my previous successes? Or should I just let me resume' speak for that?

Again, I really appreciate the feedback.


Mention it, but don't go into detail. If it doesn't relate directly to your theme, lose it.

I was at an open house and the adcomm said that it was not a good way of opening a PS. Other adcomms nodded in agreement.


Which way? The way with the quote or the way I said?

You can keep the quote; just don't open with it.


Other adcomms nodded in agreement of the first adcomm. They think it's an overused, ineffective way of starting off a PS.

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aguaman13
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby aguaman13 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:47 pm

helloperson wrote:
aguaman13 wrote:Thanks!

One more question: I tried a similar route, but was worried that I did not have enough about who I am. My numbers are decent for the public interest type schools that I am applying to, but shouldn't I mention some of my previous successes? Or should I just let me resume' speak for that?

Again, I really appreciate the feedback.


Mention it, but don't go into detail. If it doesn't relate directly to your theme, lose it.

I was at an open house and the adcomm said that it was not a good way of opening a PS. Other adcomms nodded in agreement.


Which way? The way with the quote or the way I said?

You can keep the quote; just don't open with it.


I tried writing it with the format that you suggested, only with the quote at the beginning. That was when I thought that there wasn't enough me in the statement. I'm going to give it another shot, though. What you said about quickly laying things out makes a lot of sense.

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king3780
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby king3780 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:52 pm

I suggest you wait until next cycle to submit any law school apps. Nothing good is going to come out of applying this late in the cycle. I applied in early January of my cycle and felt like that was too late. By the time adcomms actually get around to looking at your apps in March, all the spots will be full. Schools that you were a borderline admit at will now be a rejection and any acceptance will be at a school you're well above their medians.

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aguaman13
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Re: Submitting this week. Any suggestions?!?!?!

Postby aguaman13 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 2:03 pm

king3780 wrote:I suggest you wait until next cycle to submit any law school apps. Nothing good is going to come out of applying this late in the cycle. I applied in early January of my cycle and felt like that was too late. By the time adcomms actually get around to looking at your apps in March, all the spots will be full. Schools that you were a borderline admit at will now be a rejection and any acceptance will be at a school you're well above their medians.


Yeah, I know that I'm behind the 8-ball. I had an issue with my transcripts, and getting my letters of rec. while overseas was more of a pain than I had anticipated. Either way, I really just can't afford to wait another year. I've been traveling for two years, and it's time to move forward with my career. I also don't mind being above the median if it is at a school with a strong public interest program.




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