Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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GoldenTate
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 12:01 am

Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

Postby GoldenTate » Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:04 pm

edit
Last edited by GoldenTate on Thu Feb 03, 2011 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rebexness
Posts: 4163
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:24 am

Re: Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

Postby rebexness » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:05 pm

Last edited by rebexness on Thu Nov 13, 2014 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:11 pm

This essay may raise maturity issues because of the manner in which you discuss your topic. A bit of a see-saw ride in that you offer an occasional insight only to let the reader down with college fraternity party type musings.

Plan2008
Posts: 71
Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:18 am

Re: Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

Postby Plan2008 » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:23 pm

GoldenTate wrote:I am a rah-tarded underrepresented minority who grew up drinking FourLoko for breakfast. I'm not trying to get into Yale. Please be nice. I wrote this in about an hour. Comments?


The email came one week before the 2009 fall quarter began. Dr. Chen had sent an email to all students enrolled in his Law and Judicial Process course explaining that his class was not taught in a traditional manner, but rather in a way foreign and difficult to most students; Dr. Chen taught by means of, what he called, the “Socratic Method.” In fact, Dr. Chen (at least in my opinion) encouraged students to drop the course by claiming that it would be “the hardest class” you will have taken thus far in your undergraduate career, and that if you are not prepared to work hard, get out. Although I was terrified, I was ready to tackle the beast head-on. My roommate, who was also enrolled in Dr. Chen’s course, who was also scared stiff, took Dr. Chen’s advise to heart and left me to face the beast alone.
The beast, of course, could be conquered, but it would be difficult to do alone. I needed a plan, and I needed to act quickly. I formed a study group and organized meetings where we met twice a week to go over the assigned cases. I was the leader, the captain of the group, and devised the essential plan to conquer the beast. I learned that through group collaboration, interaction, and discussion of the cases, different perspectives, interpretations, and ideas would emerge. These were the essential ingredients to fully grasp and fully understand the material, and ultimately to have success in the course. This is where my fascination with the intricacies of the law began, and I loved the challenge that came with it. I went on to take two additional law-related courses from Dr. Chen; two more beasts to conquer.
I knew I had an interest in the law, but I wanted to get a taste of what a real legal setting was like, and see if I enjoyed the environment. I wanted to see if I could passionately enjoy the legal field outside of the classroom setting. The intern supervisor in the political science department at my university said that I did not qualify for a legal internship because I was a psychology major, not a political science major. Another beast; I did not concede defeat. I contacted the Whatcom County Public Defender and convinced them to grant me a position as an investigative intern for 20 hours a week, from June 2010 to September 2010. I did so without receiving any academic credit or any form of monetary compensation.
It was during my time at the Whatcom County Public Defender that I finally found my passion: helping the less fortunate. Although I was working 30 hours a week at a golf course and taking a seminar course at the university, I sought out extra work from attorneys and investigators with vigor and determination, and quickly excelled in the office. I found myself making phone calls and interviewing people outside of the office, and I wanted to do more. The daunting and unpleasant tasks, such as interviewing a man who murdered his wife in front of his daughter, gave me a new perspective in the legal field: it is not just the individual that is being defended, but rather the individual’s rights.
My goal is to obtain a law degree to pursue a career providing legal services and help to the public. Blanks’s focus on contributing to the community, along with its curriculums in criminal law, and public interest and public sector law will provide a means to achieving my goals. I am excited for the opportunity to attend Blank in the fall of 2011. I am excited to conquer yet another beast.
Last edited by Plan2008 on Fri Feb 04, 2011 5:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:29 pm

The team building exercise seems more appropriate for one applying to MBA school rather than to law school.

Plan2008
Posts: 71
Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:18 am

Re: Rough, Rough Personal Statement - Comments?

Postby Plan2008 » Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:34 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:The team building exercise seems more appropriate for one applying to MBA school rather than to law school.




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