Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
SigBab
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:45 pm

Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

Postby SigBab » Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:59 pm

(Removed).

Thank you.
Last edited by SigBab on Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

SigBab
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:45 pm

Re: Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

Postby SigBab » Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:47 pm

Your stunned silence is verrrrrrry reassuring. :shock:

SigBab
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:45 pm

Re: Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

Postby SigBab » Sun Jan 30, 2011 2:26 pm

bump

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

Postby LSATclincher » Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:35 pm

The first half of this was very clever, but it really went downward from there. Aside from toning down the language a bit in the opening anecdote, I thought it was an excellent opening. And you transition well, which makes the story relevant. I really like the short father anecdote, too. Again, it transitions well. It's personal but relevant to the entire PS. The first half of this PS is close to brilliant.

After that, I think the entire PS needs to be deleted. The grant writing thing could stay or not...it didn't have much of an impact. You try to transition into why law, but it didn't really work. If you've been out of school a few years, you probably do need some why law stuff to validate your career change. But I think this whole 2nd half of the PS loses the clever, personal tone you created in the first half.

Stick w/ that first tone, and tell who you are as a person. No need to force some sentences just b/c this is a law school PS. The conclusion was a bit immature, too. If you can tie the anecdote back in, do it. But it'll take some creativity to make the tie-in meaningful, instead of simply literary.

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

Postby LSATclincher » Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:39 pm

And towards the end, your confidence diminishes. You start writing "I believe..." It seems you are unsure about the legal path. You need to bring that same confidence from acting to your new career path.

SigBab
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:45 pm

Re: Deadline: 2/2/11 (self-imposed)

Postby SigBab » Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:03 pm

LSATclincher wrote:Aside from toning down the language a bit in the opening anecdote, I thought it was an excellent opening. And you transition well, which makes the story relevant. I really like the short father anecdote, too. Again, it transitions well. It's personal but relevant to the entire PS. The first half of this PS is close to brilliant.


By "tone down the language", are you saying it's too long/descriptive?

LSATclincher wrote:If you've been out of school a few years, you probably do need some why law stuff to validate your career change.


Yes, if accepted, it will have been 3 years since my undergrad.

LSATclincher wrote:The conclusion was a bit immature, too. If you can tie the anecdote back in, do it. But it'll take some creativity to make the tie-in meaningful, instead of simply literary.


I'll have to think on this.

LSATclincher wrote:And towards the end, your confidence diminishes. You start writing "I believe..." It seems you are unsure about the legal path. You need to bring that same confidence from acting to your new career path.


Fixed (not here, but in the real copy).

Thank you, LSATclincher. All of that was very helpful.




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