PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
2011Law
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PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 2:02 pm

edit: deleted

new version here: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=145956
Last edited by 2011Law on Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

2011Law
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:26 pm

bump

CanadianWolf
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby CanadianWolf » Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:29 pm

This is not a personal statement appropriate for inclusion with law school applications. To be blunt, this is quite similiar to essays written by young students applying to elite boarding prep schools. This is a "what I did over the summer" essay & not a "this is who I am, how I view the world & what made me that way" personal statement.
Last edited by CanadianWolf on Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.

LSATclincher
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby LSATclincher » Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:32 pm

This looks like a PS that was thrown together in a week (perhaps less). If I can sense that, the adcomms can, as well.

2011Law
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:17 pm

LSATclincher wrote:This looks like a PS that was thrown together in a week (perhaps less). If I can sense that, the adcomms can, as well.


It was done over a few days. This is my fifth version of a PS. I'm outta time. I know you think I should redo this, but I don't have the time. I'm going to edit this the best I can. If anyone can give advice on how to edit this into an okay PS, any advice would be appreciated.

2011Law
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:20 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:This is not a personal statement appropriate for inclusion with law school applications. To be blunt, this is quite similiar to essays written by young students applying to elite boarding prep schools. This is a "what I did over the summer" essay & not a "this is who I am, how I view the world & what made me that way" personal statement.


Yeah I agree also on that, but what made me want to be a lawyer has been a series of things throughout my life. Not like I can point to just one thing and say "there, that and this made me want to practice law". I could just completely make something up I guess, but I'd rather not, and starting over at this point it probably wouldn't come out any better than what I can change this PS into.

mala2
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby mala2 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:27 pm

2011Law wrote:
LSATclincher wrote:This looks like a PS that was thrown together in a week (perhaps less). If I can sense that, the adcomms can, as well.


It was done over a few days. This is my fifth version of a PS. I'm outta time. I know you think I should redo this, but I don't have the time. I'm going to edit this the best I can. If anyone can give advice on how to edit this into an okay PS, any advice would be appreciated.



what are the other versions about?

CanadianWolf
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby CanadianWolf » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:32 pm

OP: You are interpreting my post too narrowly. I never mentioned anything about "why I want to be a lawyer".

2011Law
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:35 pm

mala2 wrote:
2011Law wrote:
LSATclincher wrote:This looks like a PS that was thrown together in a week (perhaps less). If I can sense that, the adcomms can, as well.


It was done over a few days. This is my fifth version of a PS. I'm outta time. I know you think I should redo this, but I don't have the time. I'm going to edit this the best I can. If anyone can give advice on how to edit this into an okay PS, any advice would be appreciated.



what are the other versions about?


the only other decent one (in my mind anyway) was all about why I wanted to be a lawyer, starting with some stuff I read and did in high school.

2011Law
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:39 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:OP: You are interpreting my post too narrowly. I never mentioned anything about "why I want to be a lawyer".


no I understand what you were saying and appreciate the advice, and I really do agree about how the PS comes off. in any case I really don't have the time to start over, so I'm gonna see what I can do with what I have now. I'll probably try to write something better for the schools with a 3/1 deadline, but for now I just need something that won't significantly hurt my chances.

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rinkrat19
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby rinkrat19 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:43 pm

This could concievably be an appropriate topic for a single paragraph in a more complete PS that also talks about the club you formed later, the party internship and the congressional internship, as well as how it all affected you as a person and makes you a good candidate for law school. It is waaaay too superficial.

If you want to convince the adcomms of your deep interest in politics, you have to do more than say "I now have a deep interest in politics." You have to show them.

WHY do you like politics? Don't just expect them to take you at your word. Tie it to something personal so they can tell you've thought about it for more than 15 minutes. Does it remind you of team sports you played as a kid? Does the interplay of power and influence fascinate you, as if the government's internal workings were some kind of biological system? Do you like the idea of being an advocate for people or issues?

freestallion
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby freestallion » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:45 pm

It is a bit too simplistic; I learn too much about one organization you worked with and the meeting but little about you and your life experiences which shaped you into who you are.

2011Law
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Re: PS Help Advice Needed, sending tomorrow at latest

Postby 2011Law » Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:00 pm

changed my PS, here's the link.

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=145956




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