GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

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crumpetsandtea
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GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby crumpetsandtea » Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:00 pm

Notes:

I literally just wrote this so it probably sucks. Edited in the new, shortened version! Thanks for your advice and help on that, rebexness (: Feel free to tear it apart as needed. I did my best to keep it straightforward and to the point, and not make it seem like I was making excuses.

THANKS IN ADVANCE.
Last edited by crumpetsandtea on Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:30 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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rocon7383
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby rocon7383 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:07 am

I literally just wrote this so it probably sucks. Feel free to tear it apart as needed. I did my best to keep it straightforward and to the point, and not make it seem like I was making excuses.

Do I focus too much on the background and not enough on specifics about WHAT I did to help my mother that led to my lower GPA? Also, during this period my mother found a (benign) lump in her breast. I didn't include it because technically she was fine and I figured the addendum was long enough. Should I?

THANKS IN ADVANCE.[/quote]

I'm not going to attempt to analyze your family situation and how it could/did hurt your grades because its none of my business. Instead, if I was in an admissions office reading this I would probably think:
The only thing you listed that would take away time that could've been dedicated to study was your mom asking you for "help". That could've been back breaking/labor and time-sensitive help...or... it could be pretty much nothing and you are just manufacturing an excuse for poor grades. (also, because of the sad and personal nature of the situation, if the admin. officer thought this then she would probably not think you meet her school's ethical standards.) The point is, if you had to do BLANK for BLANK amount of hours a week and it hurt your studies then you should be explicit.
Last edited by rocon7383 on Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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crumpetsandtea
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:12 am

rocon7383 wrote:I'm not going to attempt to analyze your family situation and how it could/did hurt your grades because its none of my business. Instead, if I was in an admissions office reading this I would probably think:
The only thing you listed that would take away time that could've been dedicated to study was your mom asking you for "help". That could've been back breaking/labor and time-sensitive help...or... it could be pretty much nothing and you are just manufacturing an excuse for poor grades. (also, because of the sad and personal nature of the situation, if the admin. officer thought this then she would probably not think you meet her school's ethical standards.) The point is, if you had to do BLANK for BLANK amount of hours a week and it hurt your studies then you should be explicit.


Okay, so i SHOULD put less background info and more specifics on what I did. Is an hour # necessary or would general ideas work? I mean, it's not really like I clocked in hours.

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rocon7383
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby rocon7383 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:16 am

crumpetsandtea wrote:
rocon7383 wrote:I'm not going to attempt to analyze your family situation and how it could/did hurt your grades because its none of my business. Instead, if I was in an admissions office reading this I would probably think:
The only thing you listed that would take away time that could've been dedicated to study was your mom asking you for "help". That could've been back breaking/labor and time-sensitive help...or... it could be pretty much nothing and you are just manufacturing an excuse for poor grades. (also, because of the sad and personal nature of the situation, if the admin. officer thought this then she would probably not think you meet her school's ethical standards.) The point is, if you had to do BLANK for BLANK amount of hours a week and it hurt your studies then you should be explicit.


Okay, so i SHOULD put less background info and more specifics on what I did. Is an hour # necessary or would general ideas work? I mean, it's not really like I clocked in hours.


I'm not suggesting you put hours but you didn't actually mention a single thing you did. So that would be my suggestion: Make clear what you did that took away from school.

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crumpetsandtea
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:19 am

rocon7383 wrote:
crumpetsandtea wrote:
rocon7383 wrote:I'm not going to attempt to analyze your family situation and how it could/did hurt your grades because its none of my business. Instead, if I was in an admissions office reading this I would probably think:
The only thing you listed that would take away time that could've been dedicated to study was your mom asking you for "help". That could've been back breaking/labor and time-sensitive help...or... it could be pretty much nothing and you are just manufacturing an excuse for poor grades. (also, because of the sad and personal nature of the situation, if the admin. officer thought this then she would probably not think you meet her school's ethical standards.) The point is, if you had to do BLANK for BLANK amount of hours a week and it hurt your studies then you should be explicit.


Okay, so i SHOULD put less background info and more specifics on what I did. Is an hour # necessary or would general ideas work? I mean, it's not really like I clocked in hours.


I'm not suggesting you put hours but you didn't actually mention a single thing you did. So that would be my suggestion: Make clear what you did that took away from school.


Kay, sweet. Thanks for the input. Do you mind editing your previous comment where you quoted the addendum, just so it's not floating out in cyberspace forever? :D!!! Thank you! I'm going to try and edit it to be more specific without being too long.

mala2
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby mala2 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:41 am

If that was the only time your grades slipped an addendum is probably a good idea. Keep it really short and to the point. It sounds like you have a good reason, say it in 1 paragraph.

rebexness
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby rebexness » Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:13 pm

Last edited by rebexness on Thu Nov 06, 2014 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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crumpetsandtea
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:19 pm

rebexness wrote:Too long.

With an addendum you want to be straight to the point without seeming like you want pity. Boom, X Happened, Y was result.


What do you suggest I take out? I was trying to explain the background info so that it was clear why I had to consistently go home and miss out on school...to avoid the 'Well, why didn't they do _____ instead?' (ie, Where was her father during this, why did her mother need to leave town, etc etc)

rebexness
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby rebexness » Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:35 pm

.
Last edited by rebexness on Thu Nov 06, 2014 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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crumpetsandtea
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:15 pm

Wow, hahaha...this is just proof that I am painfully longwinded. Thank you!! I'm not going to use this exact blurb, but it's definitely an awesome example/very helpful. :D!!!!
Last edited by crumpetsandtea on Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rebexness
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby rebexness » Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:36 pm

Last edited by rebexness on Thu Nov 06, 2014 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Plan2008
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby Plan2008 » Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:39 am

I'd say what with the second cousins getting breast cancer and also pledging a sorority, getting a boyfriend....

I wouldnt even try it. Even if its true, too many cynics (like me I guess) won't believe it anyway. What does not speaking English have to do with chemo?


At most you should say, as my family went through this crisis my parents turned their attention elseware and being away from home for the first time, my immaturity took over. I realized my mistake and got my grades back on track.

adude
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby adude » Sun Jan 30, 2011 5:30 am

rebexness wrote:Try something like this:

In the Spring of my freshman year two close family members were simultaenously diagnosed with breast cancer. Because my father worked abroad it was necessary for me to help my family out with the care of my younger sister. I had to move home and the distance and travel inhibited my ability to perform as required in my classes, resulting in my dropping one class and recieving poor semester marks. My recent grades are more indicative of my performance ability.


Excellent example. It sounds professional and cuts to the chase. Also, it works in your favor to not specify who was diagnosed. "Close family members" could be your aunts or it could be your mother and older sister, which would have been significantly more devastating. In the latter situation, the admissions committee would likely be much more sympathetic. Just saying.

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crumpetsandtea
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Re: GPA Addendum--2 relatives w/breast cancer

Postby crumpetsandtea » Sun Jan 30, 2011 5:47 am

Plan2008 wrote:I'd say what with the second cousins getting breast cancer and also pledging a sorority, getting a boyfriend....

I wouldnt even try it. Even if its true, too many cynics (like me I guess) won't believe it anyway. What does not speaking English have to do with chemo?

At most you should say, as my family went through this crisis my parents turned their attention elseware and being away from home for the first time, my immaturity took over. I realized my mistake and got my grades back on track.

:lol: Cool story, bro. FWIW, I've never been in a sorority and was single at the time. It is, in fact, true, which is why I think it'd be a poor choice on my part not to send it. Even if ad-comms don't believe it, at least I'll have tried to make my case. (Also, why would someone lie about something so big on their LS app? That's like begging for an issue with C&F later down the line.) Thanks for your input!

adude wrote:Excellent example. It sounds professional and cuts to the chase. Also, it works in your favor to not specify who was diagnosed. "Close family members" could be your aunts or it could be your mother and older sister, which would have been significantly more devastating. In the latter situation, the admissions committee would likely be much more sympathetic. Just saying.

Thanks for your input! Changed it...heavily relied on rebexness' example, so further suggestions would be good too. (:




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