personal statement first draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
serdog
Posts: 302
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 8:21 pm

personal statement first draft

Postby serdog » Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:24 am

Drin hozo, shorze ______, _____ __________ huchin trat. Good day, my name is __________. I am of the _________; more specifically, I am of the people who live at the place of ____________, the mouth of the __________ near _________. I am of the Crow (or Raven) clan. Under traditional law, I am expected to introduce myself in this manner; I am regarded as representing my family, my clan and my community in my interactions with others.
From an early age, I was drawn, to my traditional culture, the songs, dances and stories that tell us who we are, and to the law, but I failed to recognize the connection between the two. As I got older and we settled our final lands claim agreement, I was attracted to the ideas of traditional leadership. I have always held the view that maintaining governance under the old Indian Act chief and council does not truly reflect first nations self-government, which would have to reflect our traditional value. As a high school student, in hopes of guiding the process towards the integration of traditional practices, I took a position on our Constitutional Committee, and although this process failed due to changes in our leadership, I perceived a need to understand of both traditional law and the common law system of Canada. Indeed, my Elder, ______, once sat me down to explain why this understanding was important. He said that too many lawyers were educated only in Common Law and had no knowledge of our traditional laws and therefore, could not truly understand what we were working towards - the restoration of our customary laws.
Our community needs the healing that will come from restoration of traditional ways and Canadian Law needs these traditional laws to conform to Common Law. Prior to contact with European culture, the __________ lived in balance with all living things and had a true understanding of who they were; today we are slowly reconnecting with that world view to restore this harmony. The justice system prior to contact ensured that damage to the natural balance was repaired. The responsibility for restoring this balance did not fall solely on an individual but included that person’s family, clan and nation, thus was tied to restoration rather than retribution. Here in the ______, the ___________First Nation has pioneered the restoration of traditional laws. An example is their new Family Act which includes Tlingit traditional stories that John Burrows writes must be understood as equal to the common law to guide people in understanding the operation of the law and to define the relationship between the Family, the Clan and the Community .
In my employment, I spearheaded a ______-wide Elders Summit to record traditional knowledge before it is lost, and began a project to record elders’ stories of the law so that when the time is right, these important values can be integrated in the creation of our new justice system. Engagement with elders is key not only for the information of how matters were conducted but also for their stories. Further, through our dance group, we are continuing the hard work of revitalizing our songs and dances. The decision to attend law school has not been an easy one. After much soul searching, I have come to the realization that restoring our cultural values within the context of the implementation of modern treaties is of paramount importance. In order to do this, and ensure the core values of our nation are maintained, we need citizens who are both learned in their culture and have a deep understanding of both systems of law, people who are equally conformable speaking with elders, judges and bureaucrats. From conversation with my Elders, I gained insight into the path my legal education and career must take. I understand that I need to educate myself in both systems in order to help integrate the two and further our intercultural relationships.

Mahsi cho(big thank you) for taking the time to read a comment

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: personal statement first draft

Postby LSATclincher » Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:53 pm

I loved this intro para...one of the most creative intros I've read on here. I also liked the small piece of background info in para 2. I'd delete para 3:

"Our community needs the healing that will come from restoration of traditional ways and Canadian Law needs these traditional laws to conform to Common Law. Prior to contact with European culture, the __________ lived in balance with all living things and had a true understanding of who they were; today we are slowly reconnecting with that world view to restore this harmony. The justice system prior to contact ensured that damage to the natural balance was repaired. The responsibility for restoring this balance did not fall solely on an individual but included that person’s family, clan and nation, thus was tied to restoration rather than retribution. Here in the ______, the ___________First Nation has pioneered the restoration of traditional laws. An example is their new Family Act which includes Tlingit traditional stories that John Burrows writes must be understood as equal to the common law to guide people in understanding the operation of the law and to define the relationship between the Family, the Clan and the Community ."

Not enough about you in that para, so it is not needed. Throw in a para solely about you. I also thought the PS concluded rather abruptly. Sit down and get creative, and write a memorable ending like your creative beginning.

Also, as a side note, there were some slight language errors in this. I'd be willing to provide a fuller edit, as you get closer to completion.

After some tweaking, this is a nice story. If you're applying to US schools, this is certainly the proper topic to choose.

58932ugahoige
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:23 am

Re: personal statement first draft

Postby 58932ugahoige » Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:01 pm

I think Serdog and I will be meeting in 1L at UBC Law.




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