Hey CGI, SO I just realized, I didn't ask you 5:00pm where? Anyways, its only 4:00 pm where I am, so here it goes. The second paragraph is the one that worries me most, so could you be super-critical about that? I'd appreciate any honest, critical feedback, on all of it.
Thanks for doing this, I really appreciate it.
P.S.: Are you supposed to indent the paragraphs for a PS? Just want to make sure
He sacrifices his dream job, the house he built brick-by-brick, and his duty to his aging parents. She sacrifices familiarity, security, and the only way of life she has known. They fly across the seven seas, to a world full of strangers who speak an alien language. He rises before the sun, walks for miles in the -35 degree winter, and works 14-hour days. She adjusts to a new way of life, struggles to rejoin the workplace after 15 years, and attempts to build a new home from scratch. He is a father, she, a mother. And I am their child; the child for whom they have struggled, toiled and laboured. All in an attempt to give me a good education, a safe place to grow up, and the chance at a better future. I am 13 when I land at XXX Airport, leaving behind all that I have known, for a new world full of uncertainties. I am confused, scared, and angry. ‘Why?’ is the only question that runs through my mind. “Because a good education is your best weapon,” is their answer. And it is with this answer in mind that I begin my life in XXX, determined to make sure that their sacrifice has not been for naught.
My thirst for knowledge has always been a great companion, always eager to lead me to new waters, to test them, and to learn how to swim across. With my faithful friend, and my determination to make my parents proud, I spend the next five years learning all that I can, trying my best, and doing my best. And soon I find myself crossing the first bridge, graduating high-school with XXX status and an admission to XXX University. And once again I stumble upon a whole new world, full of new avenues waiting to be explored; my thirst for knowledge is reawakened. At XXXU, I explore the many different paths that I can walk, taking classes in Psychology, Criminology, Women’s Studies, Philosophy, and many other disciplines. It is through this exploration that I discover the world of Psychology and Criminology, and I decide to pursue a Joint Major in the two disciplines, eager to absorb all the knowledge they have to offer.
Today, in the last term of my Bachelor’s degree, I can finally appreciate my parents’ answer: my education IS my best weapon. It has opened my eyes to a world of opportunities, and taught me so much more than I thought possible. It has allowed me to learn, to understand, and to excel in the world of academia. As an undergraduate, I have received numerous academic scholarships including the XXX Scholarship, XXX Scholarships, and the XXX Scholarship. In addition, I have also maintained my standing on the XXX Honour Roll throughout my time at XXXU, and have recently had the honour of earning a position on the XXX Honour Roll. My time at XXX has been truly invaluable; it has taught me how to think critically, to communicate proficiently, and to integrate theory with practise. In essence, it has equipped me with the tools that will help me carve that better future my parents wanted for me.
But this education has not been limited to the classroom. My experiences outside of the classroom have also been invaluable. My experience with the XXX Program, for instance, has been incredible, because it has allowed me to contribute in a small but significant way to XXXU’s community. As a Mentor, I have been a guide, a teacher, and a friend; assisting new students adjust to a new country, a new language, and a new learning environment. My involvement with this program has helped me develop a deeper appreciation for the cultural diversity around the world, and has allowed me to use my knowledge and experience to help students who are enduring a set of circumstances I am not unfamiliar with. Similarly, my employment experience with the XXX has also taught me much about the world. It has helped me understand and appreciate the XXX’s culture, and all the wonderful things this country has to offer. It has strengthened my understanding of the world and has helped me embrace the diversity of viewpoints it has to offer. My education, volunteer work and my employment experience have all helped solidify my desire to learn, and to continue learning. These amazing and diverse experiences have helped me understand that what started out as a journey to reward my parents’ sacrifice has evolved into a voyage to discover myself, to make a difference in the world, and to fuel my passion for learning.
And it is this passion for learning that has led to me consider obtaining a legal education, because the field of law demands continued learning. The law is constantly evolving, and thus, the study of law always has something new to offer. The University of XXX is particularly appealing to me because it embraces the diversity of perspectives that encompass our world. The diversity of courses and the distinguished faculty members at XXX offer endless possibilities to learn. The opportunity to partake in the MMM program is also thoroughly tempting because it offers a point of intersection of theoretical and practical legal knowledge. And therefore, I believe that my appreciation for diverse perspectives, my need to continue learning, and my desire to use my knowledge to make a difference in the world will be a perfect fit to the study of law.