Advice please??

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
wejuhn
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:30 am

Advice please??

Postby wejuhn » Sat Jan 15, 2011 8:46 pm

.
Last edited by wejuhn on Fri Jul 01, 2011 3:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
MrSparkle
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:06 pm

Re: Advice please??

Postby MrSparkle » Sat Jan 15, 2011 9:04 pm

I think this is a bad topic to write about exclusively. Who you are doesn't come through in a very positive way. I feel like there are a lot more negatives than positives that I learn about you.

For example, I learn you are very competitive, yet you complain about writing assignments and had a massive fear of failure. You overcame them when you realized content was more important. This is about all I can gather from this draft.

What is bad about it is the fact that EVERYONE has fears of failure, and everyone at one time or another struggled with something in their life. Your struggle is not altogether extraordinary, even though you are a foreign student. Also, your argument that content >>> prose/style is ironic in that the content of THIS essay is not that great, and you don't want an admissions reader to realize this irony.

If you are going to use your English-as-a-foreign-language experience in your PS, I would focus more on other experiences which can set you apart more, and only briefly mention your language struggles. Perhaps talk about Korea more, and the cultural differences/shocks between Korea and America. Otherwise I would just remember you as "that foreign kid who thinks he can't write well." That's not a very flattering tagline, is it?

WayBryson
Posts: 179
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:24 pm

Re: Advice please??

Postby WayBryson » Sat Jan 15, 2011 9:09 pm

General impression. This is a bit too backward looking. It focuses way too much on your old insecurities and doubts. You may want to condense all this down to about 1/3 its size and then use the remaining space to speak to your strengths. As it is, it leaves me wondering whether you have really overcome those insecurities.

Possible exception: If you have a 180 LSAT, a near perfect GPA, a resume that reads like Caesar’s, and fantastic letters of recommendation, i.e. if it is apparent in the rest of your application that you are the shit, then this essay might not be as bad. Nonetheless, I would still put more focus on achievements and future goals. Good luck to you.

WayBryson
Posts: 179
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:24 pm

Re: Advice please??

Postby WayBryson » Sat Jan 15, 2011 9:09 pm

I agree with the above poster. I had started writing my reply before reading it.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.