Rip apart my PS!! Swaps Welcome!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Rip apart my PS!! Swaps Welcome!

Postby supermannn » Sat Jan 15, 2011 8:27 pm

,
Last edited by supermannn on Tue Jan 18, 2011 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Re: Rip apart my PS!! Swaps Welcome!

Postby supermannn » Sat Jan 15, 2011 11:18 pm

Anyone? :lol:

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: Rip apart my PS!! Swaps Welcome!

Postby LSATclincher » Sun Jan 16, 2011 1:42 pm

I thought you had some neat experiences. I didn't like the blatant political references in the beginning though. I'd cut all that out. I'd also clear this sentence up:

"Through repeated display of steadfast loyalty to environmental conservation laws, I was quickly known as “the Conservationist” amongst the staff, anchoring a subdued duel meaning to label my equally-fervent loyalty to certain conservative ideals during jovial political discussions over lunch."

I thought the 3rd para of your experience read like a resume. What did you learn/accomplish? Also, cut out the random name drop of the law school in the final para. Overall, I did learn some stuff about you in the PS. I think it needs a few more tweaks.

supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Re: Rip apart my PS!! Swaps Welcome!

Postby supermannn » Sun Jan 16, 2011 2:13 pm

thanks LSATclincher; now that I look at it, I definitely see all of your points. I will be taking out the second paragraph as well as making some tweaks here and there. Thanks for advice; really, this site is awesome!




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