personal statement. give it to me straight.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
fireball42
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:08 am

personal statement. give it to me straight.

Postby fireball42 » Fri Jan 14, 2011 12:32 am


Hello friends.
I have been working on this personal statement for over a month and im fairly satisfied with it. i have a few concerns though.

first i was not planning on adding "why X law school" to it, but instead writing a statement of interest to the schools i am truly interested in applying to. a law school tour guide discouraged me from this and said i should talk about X law school in my PS. let me know ur thoughts on my personal statement and my questions. thanks.



One of America’s founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson once said, “I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” President Jefferson knew that you could not have any luck without ambition, vision, and hard work. I would not understand the true meaning of luck until I entered college; there I would have to work hard to defend one of my passions, rise up as an ambitious leader to my peers, and develop a strong vision of a successful future.
I attended CSUF, where by luck or fate, I joined an organization that would greatly impact my life, a fraternity. When I first looked into fraternities, I had the misconception that fraternities only participated in brotherhood bowling nights. However; my experience was so much more valuable than I anticipated. I volunteered for various philanthropies like the Grossman Burn Center, St. Jude’s, and Camp Titan. I developed valuable business and leadership skills such as running an efficient meeting and planning a budget. Most importantly, the fraternity created a passionate and unbreakable bond between my brothers and I. Everything was going great and I was enjoying my experience until 2008 when my luck began to run out.
I attended a meeting with the university Greek advisors, and learned that an altercation involving one of our members had led to our entire chapter being put on a suspension for one year. After the meeting, my chapter gathered to discuss the fate of our fraternity. We had dwindled down to a little more than a handful of members. I remember looking into everyone’s eyes and seeing the uncertainty of our future, as we all tried to overcome the terrible luck we were dealt. Outsiders expected my fraternity’s story to end like one of those stereotypical college fraternity movies and go out in a blaze of glory. Many other outsiders thought we would just call it quits and give up. Well I refused to conform and I refused to quit. I decided it was time to start making our own luck. My brothers and I were going to rebuild our chapter from square one; surpass our former glory and become the brotherhood that we had envisioned it to be. To achieve this, I was elected to two prestigious positions; the vice-president and the recruitment chairmen.
As vice-president I played a critical role in the reorganization of our chapter. I sat down many nights meticulously pouring through our laws, records, and officer descriptions. I then led a committee of smart and dedicated brothers to restructure our laws. I diligently managed my officers like a general managing his troops. I kept in constant communication with my officers, guiding them over hurdles, and most importantly, always believing in them and motivating them to succeed. The chapter was running efficiently and effectively. We had a carefully planned calendar and a budget for the next year. Our luck was starting to change, but the true test of my chapter was going to be our recruitment.
We had not received any new members in over a year; therefore, a successful recruitment was pivotal to our future. We wanted to recruit men with ambition, determination, and an ability to lead our chapter to a brighter future. To achieve this goal, I thought of new and innovative ways to prepare our members to become confident and sociable recruiters. In our weekly meetings my brothers would run through scenarios, role-play, and create a vision of what our chapter could be like if we had a strong recruitment. I organized and coordinated two weeks of events and activities. We set up a display on campus, where we could meet students interested in joining. We also had exciting mixers to get to know some of our potential future brothers. I shook hands, met, and befriended hundreds of students. I poured every ounce of energy and ambition into those two weeks in order to make sure that recruitment would lead my chapter to be even luckier.
With the help of my brothers, the fall 2009 recruitment raised our membership levels by 111% in one semester; my chapter also received the “Most Improved” award at the annual Greek banquet. My chapter felt pretty lucky, but a few weeks later, I turned out to be the luckiest guy in the chapter. My brothers unanimously chose me to be the delegate for our biennial national convention in Boston, Massachusetts. At the convention, delegates like me, from over 180 chapters, met and decided the laws, goals, and fate of our fraternity across the whole nation.
I felt like I had earned my luck through my hard work, ambition, and vision when I was celebrating my graduation at my fraternity’s banquet. I looked into the eyes of my brothers around me and saw elation, hope, and that unbreakable bond between us. I felt so lucky to be a part of something that truly affected my life as well as the lives of my brothers, friends and our philanthropies. I have a promising future, and I will always be prepared for the difficulties that are ahead because I live by Thomas Jefferson’s words, “I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: personal statement. give it to me straight.

Postby LSATclincher » Sat Jan 15, 2011 3:49 pm

I don't think the PS would really hurt you. But I also didn't find much meaning in it. You accomplished a nice thing with your frat, but it seems your skills would be a better fit for business school. I didn't sense much emotion in the statement, either. I don't think you need to mention anything about law or law school in your PS for it to work. But I think you need to read it to yourself, then ask yourself, "If any adcomm read this, would this PS alone make them want to admit me?" A strong PS is one that can stand by itself and make an adcomm want to admit you. An "ok" PS is one that is basically just a supplement to your other aspects that serves as merely a "requirement" for admissions.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: personal statement. give it to me straight.

Postby CanadianWolf » Sat Jan 15, 2011 4:08 pm

I agree 100% with the post above by LSATclincher.

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MrSparkle
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:06 pm

Re: personal statement. give it to me straight.

Postby MrSparkle » Sat Jan 15, 2011 11:49 pm

LSATclincher wrote:I don't think the PS would really hurt you. But I also didn't find much meaning in it. You accomplished a nice thing with your frat, but it seems your skills would be a better fit for business school. I didn't sense much emotion in the statement, either. I don't think you need to mention anything about law or law school in your PS for it to work. But I think you need to read it to yourself, then ask yourself, "If any adcomm read this, would this PS alone make them want to admit me?" A strong PS is one that can stand by itself and make an adcomm want to admit you. An "ok" PS is one that is basically just a supplement to your other aspects that serves as merely a "requirement" for admissions.


+1

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JaLeCa
Posts: 301
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: personal statement. give it to me straight.

Postby JaLeCa » Sat Jan 15, 2011 11:51 pm

Be careful starting statements with quotes like that




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