Critique my PS--Swaps Welcome! (Super Late Applicant)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Critique my PS--Swaps Welcome! (Super Late Applicant)

Postby supermannn » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:06 am

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Last edited by supermannn on Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:26 am, edited 2 times in total.

supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Re: Critique my PS PLZ! (SUPER LATE APPLICANT)

Postby supermannn » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:49 am

*too impatient* bump :mrgreen:

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hokie
Posts: 339
Joined: Tue Jun 15, 2010 1:32 am

Re: Critique my PS PLZ! (SUPER LATE APPLICANT)

Postby hokie » Tue Jan 11, 2011 2:21 am

it is fairly good but not *super* great (had to use that one :mrgreen: ). It definitely sounds like an interesting single experience that turned you towards applying for law school but I feel that you are just focusing on that one incident. I think it would be better if you could shorten all the description about the event and describe a little more about your job at camp, showcasing some of your strengths. Overall, it's pretty good (although there are some grammatical/weirdly worded stuff which I PMed you about) but I would try to make the bulk of it focus more on things you did and/or were able to achieve.

supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Re: Critique my PS PLZ! (SUPER LATE APPLICANT)

Postby supermannn » Tue Jan 11, 2011 2:08 pm

thanks for the tips hokie. I do see how I go into too much detail about Brian's story and not enough about me. However, when I was looking to cut it down, it was just so hard to take out certain sentences because I remembered nearly every detail of that story (and I wanted to convey how I felt). Any other thoughts?

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Flips88
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Re: Critique my PS--Swaps Welcome! (Super Late Applicant)

Postby Flips88 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:15 pm

LSAT = Law School Admission Test. Saying the LSAT exam is redundant. Just a small thing to fix.

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
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Re: Critique my PS--Swaps Welcome! (Super Late Applicant)

Postby LSATclincher » Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:09 pm

I stopped reading this half-way through. Forget Brian, and talk about you. I literally couldn't continue. It seems you have a neat background w/ the scouts (a huge plus if you're attending a conservative law school w/ conservative adcomms). You have to market yourself for the adcomms. By quick glance, this also looks too long. It appears to go beyond 2pgs in 12 font.

supermannn
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:35 pm

Re: Critique my PS--Swaps Welcome! (Super Late Applicant)

Postby supermannn » Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:28 am

thank you for all of the feedback. After re-reading it, I definitely see that I was more telling a story/focusing on Brian rather than marketing myself. I am in the process of writing a nearly new PS and will post it shortly for further critique. Thanks again everyone; all of your help is truly the best!




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