First Draft - help?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
taylor247
Posts: 26
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2010 11:27 am

First Draft - help?

Postby taylor247 » Mon Jan 10, 2011 3:35 pm

I'm stuck - I don't really have any crazy childhood stories or overcoming big obstacles in my life so I tried just focusing on my future goals but i'm not sure. Any notes would be helpful :) I have a 3.64 and a 167.

As far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to work in education. I’m passionate about students, learning, and public education and pursuing a legal education is the next step to the career I’ve been working towards. As I worked through my undergraduate degree in elementary education I’ve realized what kind of path in education I’d like to pursue: educational policy and law. I believe that law school will best prepare me to reach this goal.
Over the past two years I’ve been interning in different elementary classrooms in preparation to be a certified teacher. I’ve learned not only about teaching and learning but also about hard work, determination, and patience. I’ve learned a lot about the politics of education and the social issues that many of these innocent children are placed in the middle of. It’s these experiences that have really shaped my interests in attending law school and working in family and educational law.
My first semester of my junior year I interned at an elementary school in Hartford, CT and this experience really opened my eyes to some of the injustices that students in low income communities and schools are facing. The lack of support for both the teachers and students was heart wrenching and the limited educational opportunities these students were receiving was hard to swallow. As a student who grew up in an affluent neighborhood and attended well-funded schools I was truly unaware of the problems other communities were facing.
Going to law school will equip me with the knowledge about how the law works and it’s importance in our public education system. I love learning and stretching myself and I’m confident that law school will not only widely expand my knowledge base but also help me to look at the world from different perspectives and views. As a soon to be certified teacher in the state of CT I’m ready to embark on my next educational journey to best prepare myself to make a difference in the lives of students.
In addition to my strong interests in education I’m also eager to study other facets of the legal world. I enjoy working with people and have always had interests in law. I intend to explore family law and poverty law during my three years and prepare myself the best I can to make a difference in the lives of children. As a young graduate I’m excited to have the opportunity to pursue all aspects of law and find out where my strengths and interests put me. I’m a dedicated student and ambitious worker so I’m positive I can rise to the challenge of law school.

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: First Draft - help?

Postby LSATclincher » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:39 pm

This doesn't work. To say you cannot find a clever story in at least 22yrs of life seems very odd.




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