The required Essay should discuss an experience that you consider one of the most important learning experiences you have had in the past ten years. The experience could have occurred in a formal or informal educational setting or be a life experience. Please limit the essay to approximately 500 words and you should compose the essay yourself.
500 words is incredibly short. Looking for critque! I came up with the following:
The colossal metal fence stretching between the island confines was unmistakably uninviting. Elevated beyond the towering trees and rocks, the wretched and dreary silver barricade was at sheer contrast with Royal Caribbean International Cruise Line’s self-proclaimed “private paradise”. However, none of the vacationers seemed to notice the barrier, as it conveniently tucked away behind a jungle of tropical trees. But I quickly noticed. I wasn’t puzzled as to why it was there—after all, Haiti is undoubtedly a dangerous country—but I was interested. Unbeknownst to me, the mystique of what prowled beyond that fence would soon become apparent through an interaction that changed my perspective forever.
My best friend Phil and I sat down and began devouring food from a buffet beneath a large pavilion on the island. We had just awakened from a party-ridden night on the ship, so understandably, we were hungry. The vacation had been quite an experience thus far, it being my first time not only on a cruise ship, but also outside of the United States. As I indulged into my meal, it was still hard to believe that I was in Haiti of all places; nonetheless, extraordinary yelps from Haitians behind the fence interrupted all doubt about where Phil and I were.
I looked at Phil curiously as the calls became louder. I assumed Phil was accustomed to this, being that his family routinely traveled on cruise ships; however, when he replied with a mirroring expression, I knew it was just as unusual to him as it was to me. We then felt compelled to journey toward the fence to discover what the Haitians desired. As we ventured closer, cries of the word “food” became obvious, as did the rubbing motion they exhibited upon their stomachs. These people were hungry.
Phil and I didn’t think twice. With a complementary buffet behind us, it was easy to solve this dilemma. Jogging our way back to the pavilion, Phil and I stacked plates of food. We rushed back over to the fence. There really was no reason to rush, but for whatever reason, we felt that there was.
After reaching the fence, Phil and I were finally able to clearly see what these people looked like. I was stunned to learn that they were our age. Covered in filthy and ragged clothing, the five Haitian boys were unquestionably destitute. Looking down at our plates, Phil and I configured a way to administer the food. The most accessible items were the corn cobs, so we slipped them through the openings of the fence. When the Haitians began begging for meat, we forcibly became more creative. The meat would have to get dirty as we slid it through a larger hole beneath the fence; nevertheless, the Haitian boys feasted appreciatively. Nearly twenty minutes later, security on our side of the fence demanded we stop.
Phil and I returned to the pavilion and again began hearing calls. Turning toward the fence, we noticed these calls were not for food. The Haitian boys began saluting us in manic fashion, dancing and waving their arms in praise.
That’s when it all sunk in: the things people take for granted. I was an 18-year old college student on vacation, having the time of my life, and with such promise ahead of me. Imprisoned on the other side of the fence were boys my age with nothing to look forward to. Perceptibly, every day was a fight. For these boys, a plate of food was enough to celebrate over. Certainly, my perception of “self-entitlement” became much more conservative ever since.
Obviously, 500 words is pretty tough. I'm at 598 words! How many words over 500 will be too much?
Also looking for critique. Thanks.