PS for unusual background and no high school

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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niederbomb
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Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:07 pm

PS for unusual background and no high school

Postby niederbomb » Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:03 am

Thanks!
Last edited by niederbomb on Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:21 pm, edited 10 times in total.

LSATclincher
Posts: 476
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: Unusual background PS

Postby LSATclincher » Sun Jan 09, 2011 11:24 am

This seemed to fade off for me. I liked the anecdote a lot. But after that, things got murky. Your life story is great. You have plenty to work with. But you just need to create a clever marketing pitch. Here's what I'd do:

- Lose the title

- Para 1: Keep the anecdote

- Para 2: Keep the purpose the same, but lose the dialog. Mention your dyslexia and and how hard work allowed you to overcome poverty and get into college. Keep the political stuff out of this.

-Para 3: Para 3 and 4 need a new direction. No one cares about your college accomplishments. They are on your resume. And we all have them. You need to focus on the internships. Tell what you accomplished and what skills you developed that you seen would make a good attorney.

-Para 4: Transition into you real life full time work. Discuss your military service. Then discuss the nonprofit stuff. Lose the lofty ambitions you have in law.

- Para 5: Sum it all up in a clever way. No need to discuss why law since para 3 should infer that. Certainly don't discuss a certain law school at this point. I think reverting back to para 1 and para 2 to conclude with a nice outlook towards the future would be an excellent way to end an accomplished PS.

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niederbomb
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Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:07 pm

Re: Unusual background PS

Postby niederbomb » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:31 am

LSATclincher wrote:This seemed to fade off for me. I liked the anecdote a lot. But after that, things got murky. Your life story is great. You have plenty to work with. But you just need to create a clever marketing pitch. Here's what I'd do:

- Lose the title

- Para 1: Keep the anecdote

- Para 2: Keep the purpose the same, but lose the dialog. Mention your dyslexia and and how hard work allowed you to overcome poverty and get into college. Keep the political stuff out of this.

-Para 3: Para 3 and 4 need a new direction. No one cares about your college accomplishments. They are on your resume. And we all have them. You need to focus on the internships. Tell what you accomplished and what skills you developed that you seen would make a good attorney.

-Para 4: Transition into you real life full time work. Discuss your military service. Then discuss the nonprofit stuff. Lose the lofty ambitions you have in law.

- Para 5: Sum it all up in a clever way. No need to discuss why law since para 3 should infer that. Certainly don't discuss a certain law school at this point. I think reverting back to para 1 and para 2 to conclude with a nice outlook towards the future would be an excellent way to end an accomplished PS.


I incorporated all your suggestions except for losing the dialog. Thanks! Anyone else?

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niederbomb
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Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:07 pm

Re: PS for trailer trash farm background and no high school

Postby niederbomb » Tue Jan 11, 2011 8:49 am

bumpetty bump bump

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joeshmo39
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Re: PS for unusual background and no high school

Postby joeshmo39 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:00 am

I like it a lot, I feel it's one of the better ones I have read on here. That said:

The phrase pseudo-clerk is sort of slangy I would try to ditch it.
You could lose a few of the lines about wanting to attend law school, you're applying so they know you want to.
Maybe try to play up the determination angle at the end as far as you being your own professor and having a great work ethic combined with an actual desire to learn. I'm not wild about the "oh the places I'll go" end but it's not terrible, just not memorable.
the line "I rectified two previously" seems a bit wordy, I'm not sure rectified is the best word there. Something folksier would make it read better for me.
I think the fact you were in the military is impressive, can you think of anything else to say about it? I don't know where you are lengthwise, but I'm sure you got a lot out of it.

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niederbomb
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Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:07 pm

Re: PS for unusual background and no high school

Postby niederbomb » Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:01 am

I incorporated the suggestions and expanded on what I learned in the military a little. Thanks!




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