HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
emily330j
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:17 pm

HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

Postby emily330j » Fri Jan 07, 2011 6:48 pm

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Last edited by emily330j on Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CosmoLaw
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:58 pm

Re: HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

Postby CosmoLaw » Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:05 pm

The story is great in explaining why you want to be a lawyer. However, I would also speak of some of the specific skills you bring that would enable you become a good attorney. And also speak of the specific school you're interested in. Otherwise, I like it.

emily330j
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:17 pm

Re: HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

Postby emily330j » Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:02 pm

thank you for the advice, i'll switch up it a bit tonight! any other advicee, anyoneee??

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verklempt
Posts: 115
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 6:59 pm

Re: HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

Postby verklempt » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:02 am

I would knock out the first two paragraphs and start somewhere around the third paragraph. You can refer to your autistic uncle/cousin, but that should mostly remain as back story. When you get closer to your final draft, you will want to have someone check your work for typos. In particular, I saw a bunch of run-on sentences that seriously needed punctuation.

I would like to see more of you in this essay. There's a lot of "I did this, I did that" but you don't take it to the next level. Help the reader understand what motivates you and illustrate the skills and strengths you bring. Show some introspection. Although your goals are admirable, the way you describe your decision, it sounds more like an emotion-based "I do this because it makes me feel good" than a serious and thoughtful analysis of your options.

The link between your experiences and your goals is strong -- unusual in the PS I've read here. That is a plus. Now you just need to do a little digging to enable the reader to get a clearer picture of who you are.

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Shooter
Posts: 474
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:39 am

Re: HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

Postby Shooter » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:12 am

I think this is a great personal statement (I am partial to the subject matter, though). The fact that you are dedicating your personal statement to an interesting topic such as learning and cognitive disabilities already says something about you. Just tighten up the language a little bit, work on the "flow" of things, say something "school specific" and I think you're all set!

emily330j
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:17 pm

Re: HELP! any advice is SO SO appreciated!

Postby emily330j » Sat Jan 08, 2011 1:30 am

thank you thank you! i'm fixing up the conclusion up tonight, i'm just scared it might be a bit too long...




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