first draft (here's what I have so far)

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swtlilsoni
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first draft (here's what I have so far)

Postby swtlilsoni » Fri Jan 07, 2011 4:35 am

Let me know what you think. I hope I can get a bit of feedback today because I was thinking about making the edits, drafting up a second draft, and submitting today. Thanks so much!

The protagonist listened inquisitively, as David Sosa spoke. “We know that the world operates according to fundamental physical laws. We're just physical systems too, our behavior is not going to be an exception to these laws. So it seems like there's not a lot of room for freedom. What about quantum mechanics? It's a probabilistic theory. But is that going to help with freedom? Should our freedom just be a matter of probabilities? Just some random swerving in a chaotic system? That's even worse. “ I paused the movie and turned to my friend.

“Did you ever think about that?”, I asked. “Whether causality exists or not, freedom is still threatened. Do you think the concept of a free world is even possible?”

“That's it, I can't handle this anymore”, he exclaimed. “I'm turning this movie off.”

That had been the 4th time I paused the film in attempt to discuss an issue introduced by it. My friend felt overwhelmed with its numerous attacks on his foundational beliefs. He claimed that philosophy is a futile investigation which leads nowhere. Its continuous attempts at criticizing our beliefs without offering definite answers or resolutions to the problems it identified frustrated him.

After four years studying the subject, I have to admit that it is guilty of many of those accusations. Philosophy does not offer definite answers. With every argument, there are counter-examples and exceptions. Premises are challenged, logic is questioned. There are endless paradoxes and philosophical problems which have never been solved.

Nevertheless, I have come to realize that this field derives its value not from the answers it brings but the questions it asks. Is it not useful to doubt the unfounded principles we have blindly believed in the past and examine their accuracy? In the Platonic dialogues, Socrates would ask probing questions, forcing others to clarify their own claims until the contradictions became apparent. The subjects were then able to realize the prejudice in their judgments. Philosophy offers us perspective and helps us have a more thorough interpretation of things. Its emphasis on reason and pursuit of truth is invaluable in our uncertain world.

Through the study of philosophy, I have increased my ability to articulate thoughts into words. Formal logic has helped me understand the foundation of arguments and spot out inconsistencies and contradictions. I can understand seemingly complex arguments by constructing logically analogous arguments with replaced predicates. This enables me to see the arguments clearly and precisely without the distraction of extraneous details. I would not have been able to do this without a clear understanding of formal logic. During debate tournaments, I would use my knowledge and experience of formal logic extensively in order to craft clear and precise arguments, draw numerous inferences and illustrate fallacies and contradictory implications made by the opposition. Philosophy has taught me not to take things for granted. We often believe falsities which are actually more complicated than they seem. The more I learn and discover, the more I realize I don't know.

When I took my first philosophy course, I did not know what to expect. I had always been an analytical person. One who felt the need to break things down logically, ponder the reasoning behind everything, and avoid contradiction at all costs. The people I grew up with were quite the opposite. In class, for the first time, I was around people who enjoyed thinking theoretically and examining the nature of everything observed. I was surprised that there exists a course that encourages my natural tendencies. As I enter the study of law, a discipline that is characterized by the value of interpretation, I am excited to further utilize and expand on the analytical skills my study in philosophy has rewarded me with.

EDIT:
I am thinking of changing the last paragraph to:
When I took my first philosophy course, I did not know what to expect. I had always been an analytical person. One who felt the need to break things down logically, ponder the reasoning behind everything, and avoid contradiction at all costs. The people I grew up with were quite the opposite. In class, for the first time, I was around people who enjoyed thinking theoretically and examining the nature of everything observed. I was surprised that there exists a course that encourages my natural tendencies. As I enter the study of law, I once again cannot be certain of what to expect. However I am certainly excited to further utilize and expand on the analytical skills my study in philosophy has rewarded me with.

I thought that it would offer a closer parallel between not knowing what to expect in philosophy, and not knowing what to expect in law. Sort of ties it together?

LSATclincher
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Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Re: first draft (here's what I have so far)

Postby LSATclincher » Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:22 pm

This needs a total overhaul. I learned nothing about you whatsoever. I love philosophy too, but who cares? I remember showing an attorney I work with some LSAT questions. He looks at it and says, "You know, being a lawyer isn't all logic."

Re-write, tell us who you are. What you been through. We know you're smart...that's what the GPA and LSAT is for.

Lady_In_Red
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Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:09 pm

Re: first draft (here's what I have so far)

Postby Lady_In_Red » Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:37 pm

I agree with the above post. I didn't learn anything significant about you at all. Yes, analytical skills are important for success in law school and as an attorney. But that can't be all there is to you. Tell us something interesting about you that also demonstrates your aptitude for the law. I'm sure the "I'm analytical; admit me to your law school" theme is overdone.

sparty99
Posts: 1433
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: first draft (here's what I have so far)

Postby sparty99 » Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:18 pm

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Last edited by sparty99 on Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Leira7905
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:42 pm

Re: first draft (here's what I have so far)

Postby Leira7905 » Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:25 pm

sparty99 wrote:You sound like a human being that is not capable of interacting with humans. You sound like someone who is trying to sound sophisticated and intellectual. It doesn't work.

SCRAP the entire essay and start over. The admissions people want to know about YOU. I learn nothing about you.


concur

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: first draft (here's what I have so far)

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:26 pm

Delete the first six (6) paragraphs of your eight (8) paragraph essay. Next, try to revise the remaining two paragraphs in a more concise manner.




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