If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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bport hopeful
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If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby bport hopeful » Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:47 pm

I've had a lot of trouble with my PS. I'm not looking for an outstanding PS, I just want one that isn't going to hurt me. I don't even know if I'm going to a T50. So here it is. I havn't looked for typos or grammatical errors yet. Also, is it long enough? 1.5 pgs double spaced. Hoping for some helpful advice.


His snow white hair showed his age, but his face told a different story. It was energized, it wore a constant grin, and it symbolized the owner’s confidence. The man in front of me was one of the most respected and successful defense attorneys in Rochester. His name has escaped me over the years, but the impression left on me the day I saw him will last forever.

I was a seventeen at the time; a junior in high school. My business law class had scheduled a field trip to the Monroe County Office Building to see some of the inner workings of a court house. Our itinerary dictated that we would sit in on some probation hearings, take some lunch, and then have a question and answer session with one of the county judges, but when we arrived we were told that it was our lucky day. There was a murder trial going on that day and we were going to attend. A middle aged man had allegedly murdered his wife and two young daughters. His defense attorney was the man with the confident smile.

He was masterful in his questioning. His words had been picked so carefully and guided the mood of the courtroom. He was in control of the courtroom. We were only able to stay for an hour before we had to catch our bus, but they were sixty of the most important minutes of my life. Though my entire class left in awe, the experience was different for me. I had caught the bug in that courtroom; that was the day I found a true interest in law.

A few weeks later, I was reading the newspaper and noticed that the trial had come to a close. Despite the defense attorney’s reputation and immaculate performance, his client had been found guilty. Apparently an overwhelming amount of circumstantial evidence, as well as some DNA evidence had caused the jury to find the man guilty.

Though I was captivated by what I saw in that courtroom, the result of the case was of even greater importance. It made me appreciate the law as an institution. The defense attorney that I saw may have been one of the best, but in the end, he couldn’t stop the law from being upheld. That truly resonated with me. It became apparent to me how powerful and special the law is. It holds society together and holds every man responsible for their actions. These experiences showed me that there is no other line of work that I would want to dedicate my life to than legal work. Watching the attorney at work made me long for an occupation where I could display my talents and be passionate about it, but the realization about law gave me that passion. These experiences are invaluable to me because of the passion that I have gained. I know that this fervor will keep me driven as I chase my goal of becoming a success in the legal world.

LSATclincher
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby LSATclincher » Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:37 pm

Not enough about you at all. Hopefully you didn't burn any bridges at the Dollar General.

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The Gentleman
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby The Gentleman » Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:57 pm

bport hopeful wrote:I just want one that isn't going to hurt me. I don't even know if I'm going to a T50.


This is a weak PS by TLS standards, but I think it would do just fine for most schools outside of the T-50.

We tend to forget that TLS is a self-select group of perfectionists who rank Georgetown as a TTT.

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bport hopeful
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby bport hopeful » Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:58 pm

I know its not great, honestly I havnt done a whole lot, as bad as that sounds. But I really just need something to turn in. Will this make me look bad??

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bport hopeful
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby bport hopeful » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:00 pm

The Gentleman wrote:This is a weak PS by TLS standards, but I think it would do just fine for most schools outside of the T-50.

We tend to forget that TLS is a self-select group of perfectionists who rank Georgetown as a TTT.



Thanks for this, I'm not trying to live up to extreme standards. The best school i applied to is BC, or Indiana depending on who you ask. But realistically, Ill end up at Pitt. I just need something to turn in. Im not applying T14 or anything.

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The Gentleman
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby The Gentleman » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:09 pm

bport hopeful wrote:
The Gentleman wrote:This is a weak PS by TLS standards, but I think it would do just fine for most schools outside of the T-50.

We tend to forget that TLS is a self-select group of perfectionists who rank Georgetown as a TTT.



Thanks for this, I'm not trying to live up to extreme standards. The best school i applied to is BC, or Indiana depending on who you ask. But realistically, Ill end up at Pitt. I just need something to turn in. Im not applying T14 or anything.


At this point in the cycle, you would be better off just turning your shit in. The longer you wait, the more competitive it's going to get.

Your PS is weak IMHO, but it's probably middle of the pack by Tier 2/3 standards.

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artichoke
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby artichoke » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:18 pm

bport hopeful wrote:His snow white hair showed his age,


I'm going to be honest, I didn't get past the third sentence, but I wanted to add some constructive criticism... Adding unnecessary adjectives to try and 'paint a picture' is something you should leave for high school creative writing.

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dextermorgan
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby dextermorgan » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:36 pm

I once watched A Few Good Men. I could see how people could be inspired to become lawyers because of it. I still wouldn't recommend they write their personal statements about it.

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OGR3
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby OGR3 » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:39 pm

The Gentleman wrote:This is a weak PS by TLS standards, but I think it would do just fine for most schools outside of the T-50.

We tend to forget that TLS is a self-select group of perfectionists who rank Georgetown STTTanford as a TTT.


FTFY

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The Gentleman
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby The Gentleman » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:41 pm

OGR3 wrote:
The Gentleman wrote:This is a weak PS by TLS standards, but I think it would do just fine for most schools outside of the T-50.

We tend to forget that TLS is a self-select group of perfectionists who rank Georgetown STTTanford as a TTT.


FTFY


Welcome to TLS OP.

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northwood
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby northwood » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:48 pm

TLS is being awfully nice to the OP.

OP you should really consider spending some time on your personal statment. While it wont be as big of a deciding factor as your LSAT and undergrad GPA, it is the only chance you will have at showing them who you are as a person, and what you bring to the school. Dont rush this just to send it in. Yes, its getting late in the cycle,( especially by TLS Standards- where if you havent submitted by 12/1 you are late) but you need to make sure its not garbage. Make sure its about what you bring to the school, what sets you apart from other canidates. You spend a lot of time explaining why law, take some time to sell yourself. Thinkj of the essays as the equilivient of what do you bring to the company question during an interview. Take some more time, and give yourself until friday to send it in. That way you can get some more opinions on it, and still get it submitted sooner than later.

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northwood
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby northwood » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:53 pm

i hope this wasnt the attorney you were referencing in the ps

http://cityliving.whec.com/content/atto ... o-arrested

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bport hopeful
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby bport hopeful » Wed Jan 05, 2011 2:10 am

So this is not a clean copy, mostly because I wrote it in like ten minutes, but do you think this is a better topic?


I could rattle off a list of reasons why I want to attend law school. Some of them are philosophic, some are academic, some are noble, and others are financial. But if I was forced to give one reason, it would be that it suits my personality.

I have been a competitive person my entire life. As a child, I was always good at baseball. In little league, I was always one of the better players on my team, but I was never content with myself. I would beg my dad to come into the backyard and hit me grounders and pop flies. I would do that for hours, always trying to get better.

In high school, my competitive nature persisted. I became a three sport athlete in baseball, basketball, and football, and also played in three summer baseball leagues. Sports dominated my life. Most of my friends today are people that I played sports with in high school. I worked hard to improve and excel in athletics. Twice I was picked for second team all county selection in my league and was once named the player of the week.

After high school, I was forced to find new outlets for competitive needs. I continued to play in summer baseball leagues, found a recreation center basketball league to play in, and about twice a week I play pickup basketball to get my fix. I also coach a baseball team of thirteen and fourteen year olds. I took this responsibility very seriously and found myself upset when we lost.

Now I know that most people play sports at some time in their lives, but my competitive nature goes beyond sports. When I was young, one of the family jokes is that “XXXXX is going to make a great lawyer one day.” This generally came in response to some small argument in which I relentlessly backed my views. Truthfully, I have always prided myself on my argumentative abilities and even though the family joke was at my expense, I always saw it as a compliment because it meant that I had won and successfully conveyed my thoughts.

In many ways, I see law school as a competition where the most apt students are the winners. Because of this, I know that wherever I end up going, I will succeed. My personality would never allow me to do otherwise. I am never content, I never settle. My best is my norm and I will treat law school like I have treated the rest of my life, working my hardest to rise above the competition.

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OGR3
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby OGR3 » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:20 am

So the two main reasons you want to go to law school are you saw some old guy pontificate for a couple hours in some county courthouse and you really like baseball?

Also, every person who's said this at my school is either a complete idiot or incredibly obnoxious
When I was young, one of the family jokes is that “XXXXX is going to make a great lawyer one day.” This generally came in response to some small argument in which I relentlessly backed my views. Truthfully, I have always prided myself on my argumentative abilities and even though the family joke was at my expense, I always saw it as a compliment because it meant that I had won and successfully conveyed my thoughts.

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ach24
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby ach24 » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:45 am

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Last edited by ach24 on Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

RPK34
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Re: If this doesn't work, Im going back to dollar general

Postby RPK34 » Wed Jan 05, 2011 10:19 am

That's worse than the first one.




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