critique my ps? thanks

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mediation_86
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:43 am

critique my ps? thanks

Postby mediation_86 » Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:15 pm

pm me if you wanna look over it. thanks
Last edited by mediation_86 on Tue Jan 04, 2011 1:54 am, edited 2 times in total.

ixwad
Posts: 48
Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:54 pm

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby ixwad » Sun Jan 02, 2011 7:53 pm

Right off the bat, "three guys with hostility" sounded a bit awkward to me. Also, "I never seen"

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Adjudicator
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Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 4:18 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby Adjudicator » Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:12 pm

What's a boba shop? Am I the only one who doesn't know?

mediation_86
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:43 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby mediation_86 » Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:17 pm

Adjudicator wrote:What's a boba shop? Am I the only one who doesn't know?


boba is those black-brownish balls, usually in drinks such as smoothies or tea. you can most likely find them at your local drink store, or also known as boba shop.

hah, you may be one of a few who may not know what a boba shop is, im not sure though

anyways, how is the ps?

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DukeCornell
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 3:19 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby DukeCornell » Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:19 pm

I disagree with the initial assertion. :|

ixwad
Posts: 48
Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:54 pm

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby ixwad » Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:19 pm

Never heard of a boba shop either.

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ach24
Posts: 207
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:24 pm

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby ach24 » Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:59 pm

.
Last edited by ach24 on Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

sandaltan
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:42 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby sandaltan » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:07 pm

$100 op is asian or went to a uc school.

sandaltan
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:42 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby sandaltan » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:09 pm

sandaltan wrote:$100 op is asian or went to a uc school.


confirmed after reading (no racist).

weejonbu
Posts: 219
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 8:48 pm

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby weejonbu » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:09 pm

ach24 wrote:
mediation_86 wrote:
Adjudicator wrote:What's a boba shop? Am I the only one who doesn't know?


boba is those black-brownish balls, usually in drinks such as smoothies or tea. you can most likely find them at your local drink store, or also known as boba shop.

hah, you may be one of a few who may not know what a boba shop is, im not sure though

anyways, how is the ps?


Still do not know what a boba shop is with this explanation.


This surprises me. Despite my username, I am far from being Asian (I'm actually from the good ol' South). Still, I think my Asian friends would find it amusing that so many people (on this forum at least) don't even know what boba tea (also known as bubble tea) is...

Image

Never tried one of these? Delish.

sandaltan
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:42 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby sandaltan » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:11 pm

weejonbu wrote:
ach24 wrote:
mediation_86 wrote:
Adjudicator wrote:What's a boba shop? Am I the only one who doesn't know?


boba is those black-brownish balls, usually in drinks such as smoothies or tea. you can most likely find them at your local drink store, or also known as boba shop.

hah, you may be one of a few who may not know what a boba shop is, im not sure though

anyways, how is the ps?


Still do not know what a boba shop is with this explanation.


This surprises me. Despite my username, I am far from being Asian (I'm actually from the good ol' South). Still, I think my Asian friends would find it amusing that so many people (on this forum at least) don't even know what boba tea (also known as bubble tea) is...

Image

Never tried one of these? Delish.


if you dig slimy balls of cholesterol shooting through your straw on occasion they hell ya.

moneko
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:01 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby moneko » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:13 pm

sandaltan wrote:$100 op is asian or went to a uc school.


lol amazing powers of deduction. especially after reading a ps centered around the op being vietnamese

to op: get read of all of the 'some guy' and 'that guy' type references. get rid of 'guy' in general, you want to make everything in your ps way more formal. otherwise, i like the subject matter, just polish up your language.

sandaltan
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:42 am

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby sandaltan » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:21 pm

moneko wrote:
sandaltan wrote:$100 op is asian or went to a uc school.


lol amazing powers of deduction. especially after reading a ps centered around the op being vietnamese

to op: get read of all of the 'some guy' and 'that guy' type references. get rid of 'guy' in general, you want to make everything in your ps way more formal. otherwise, i like the subject matter, just polish up your language.


i think you read the ps even less than i did if you think it was centered around the op being vietnamese...

boba=asian.

sparty99
Posts: 1433
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: critique my ps? thanks

Postby sparty99 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:22 am

I am not Asian, but I lived in Asia for four months. I am familiar with bubble tea, but have NEVER used or heard of the terminology, boba shop.

I think your opening paragraph is not very interesting and it seems that you tell the story just to "tell a story." I would get rid of it.

It also sounds like you are going to law school because you want your parents to feel proud of you. This seems like a naive reason considering you will spend 3 years and $150,000 just so your parents are proud of you.




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