First Draft. Destroy it.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
drummer617
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:36 pm

First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby drummer617 » Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:46 pm

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; the world is full of unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge, U.S. President, Phi Gamma Delta, Amherst College
Everyone who joins my fraternity learns this quote from graduate brother Coolidge and, hopefully, takes it to heart as a way of life. I have set goals for myself with various activities such as Boy Scouts and music which I have achieved through great persistence and determination. I began as a Tiger Cub in first grade and, through the years, worked industriously to earn belt loops, arrow points, pins, and badges. I enjoyed camping, hiking, and the challenges presented as I progressed through the ranks. Even though many of my friends dropped out along the way, I pressed on and, at the age of 15, achieved the rank of Eagle Scout.
In addition to scouting, music has always been a great passion of mine. Much of my childhood was spent drumming on Tupperware until I persuaded my parents to allow me to take drum lessons in third grade. I worked hard learning my technique on a snare drum, practicing every day, and eventually convinced my parents that I was ready to take the next step and tackle something more difficult. At 11, I received a drum set for my birthday, and I have been playing and progressing in skill ever since. Persistence, hard work, and diligence have paid off, as over the last two years I have been a drummer in two rock bands and have been actively involved in performing, promoting, and recording.
I began considering a career in law at an early age. In middle school, I observed and was a victim of bullying and mistreatment that went unpunished. I felt that people who harmed others should be held accountable for their actions and punished, but that was frequently not the case. While in college, I prepared for my future by studying psychology and criminal justice, and I earned a certificate in criminal profiling.
Two summers ago, I earned an internship with the Metropolitan Police Department in Washington, DC as a detective’s aide. I worked in the seventh district in Anacostia with several detectives, attending crime scenes, observing interviews and interrogations, and helping to catch up their administrative work by inputting approximately 1,500 PD-76 contact reports into the computer system. The highlight of the summer came when I helped solve a crime for my squad. My knowledge of the Microsoft Xbox videogame system and its’ use of a hard drive which contains the user’s personal information was invaluable in proving ownership. While the internship had some exciting moments, I decided that law enforcement was not the right career path for me and turned my thoughts to studying law.
Last spring I was chosen for a summer internship with a local law firm. I helped compile exhibit lists and researched several cases, including one that involved a national company. I attended two hearings, one in a judge’s chambers and the other in open court. The open court hearing was an interesting experience.. After the prosecuting and defending attorneys announced their names, the judge asked who I was. I told him my name and that I was an intern with the prosecuting law firm. He asked me if I wanted to be a lawyer and when I answered in the affirmative, he said, “Well, let’s see what we can do to change your mind.” The hearing was a request by the defense to postpone the date of the actual trial. Though not a very heated or exciting hearing, I got to see firsthand what it is like to be in court. Upon the end of the proceedings, the judge asked me, “Did I succeed in changing your mind?” I told him that he had not, to which he smiled and nodded. I was impressed by the interest he showed me and his actions helped to cement my desire to pursue a career in law.
My experiences have helped shape me into the person I am today. I have learned that if there is something I want to achieve, I must go after it with tenacity and determination. Through Boy Scouts, being bullied, and my enjoyment of music I have remained steadfast in my attempts to complete goals. It is my desire to become the best attorney I can, to hold people accountable for their actions, and I will pursue those goals wholeheartedly.

User avatar
JordynAsh
Posts: 370
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:20 pm

Re: First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby JordynAsh » Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:50 pm

Please don't start with a quote.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Dec 30, 2010 3:05 pm

I'll bet that prosecutorial work is in your future.

User avatar
ach24
Posts: 207
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:24 pm

Re: First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby ach24 » Thu Dec 30, 2010 3:07 pm

.
Last edited by ach24 on Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

bmore
Posts: 302
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:28 pm

Re: First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby bmore » Thu Dec 30, 2010 3:09 pm

Reads more like a resume. Most of this is in your app.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Dec 30, 2010 3:12 pm

In this instance the quote illuminates the OP's vision of the world & his role in it. I think it works. Few law school applicants admit to their "inner Boy Scout" need for approval from others. This is a classic prosecutor, or fireman, in the making.

dddhhh
Posts: 264
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:55 pm

Re: First Draft. Destroy it.

Postby dddhhh » Thu Dec 30, 2010 4:10 pm

I like that you were trying to show a "natural progression" in your interest for the law. However, I would put more emphasis on your law internship and go into more detail and share perhaps a different experience - one that impacts more, because even you admit in the end that it wasn't that exciting. I would perhaps share something that really grabbed your attention and made you say "this is what i want to do for the rest of my life" because the ending made me want more...




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.