Tried to overhaul... Any better? Please critique!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
cayerjt
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue May 25, 2010 2:37 pm

Tried to overhaul... Any better? Please critique!

Postby cayerjt » Wed Dec 29, 2010 9:01 pm

Deleted
Last edited by cayerjt on Fri Apr 08, 2011 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

jasonc.
Posts: 119
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:22 am

Re: Tried to overhaul... Any better? Please critique!

Postby jasonc. » Wed Dec 29, 2010 11:17 pm

Its sooo much better. I actually dont have any bad critiques. you see how much more natural it is? thats good. I suggest you step away give a rest tonight. maybe something will come to you but i like now so i dont have any constructive criticism.

cayerjt
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue May 25, 2010 2:37 pm

Re: Tried to overhaul... Any better? Please critique!

Postby cayerjt » Thu Dec 30, 2010 10:33 pm

I really found I had to step away from my own perspective to connect the parts of the story. It was as if it ALL made sense to me but it was really just a list of events. Thank you SO much for all of your help.

bmore
Posts: 302
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:28 pm

Re: Tried to overhaul... Any better? Please critique!

Postby bmore » Thu Dec 30, 2010 10:51 pm

Just took a quick glimpse and 2 things jumped out as me.

"I got to see an aspect of the process I never considered as a child" Get rid of the reference to "child". Actuallly rewrite.
"professional demeanor as he went about the task of drafting a powerful letter " Professionaldemeanor drafting a letter?




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.