PS! Please critique, sending tonight!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
parsi
Posts: 167
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:16 am

PS! Please critique, sending tonight!

Postby parsi » Thu Dec 23, 2010 1:05 am

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Last edited by parsi on Fri Dec 24, 2010 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

jasonc.
Posts: 119
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:22 am

Re: PS! Please critique, sending tonight!

Postby jasonc. » Thu Dec 23, 2010 1:30 am

parsi wrote:Applying to most T14s


The realization of one’s potential entails a great deal of sacrifice and hardship because it requires one to recognize his or her flaws and make a deliberate effort to change. Potential is dynamic: it can be lost, wasted, growing, but never capped. For many people, reaching one’s potential is the ultimate goal. I truly believe that this goal is meaningless unless it is concurrent with the continual expansion of potential.
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get rid of this its too wordy and doesnt make a good introduction .Also work on your word choice it seem like you were trying to "use big words to sound smart" it seems a bit forced. I like the conclusion .overall really good

parsi
Posts: 167
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:16 am

Re: PS! Please critique, sending tonight!

Postby parsi » Thu Dec 23, 2010 1:42 am

jasonc. wrote:
parsi wrote:Applying to most T14s


The realization of one’s potential entails a great deal of sacrifice and hardship because it requires one to recognize his or her flaws and make a deliberate effort to change. Potential is dynamic: it can be lost, wasted, growing, but never capped. For many people, reaching one’s potential is the ultimate goal. I truly believe that this goal is meaningless unless it is concurrent with the continual expansion of potential.
.



get rid of this its too wordy and doesnt make a good introduction .Also work on your word choice it seem like you were trying to "use big words to sound smart" it seems a bit forced. I like the conclusion .overall really good


thanks for the advice. when it comes to word choice, though, thats kind of just how i write and speak...ill see what i can do




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