Critiques Would be much appreciated!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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cbp3443
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Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 1:38 am

Critiques Would be much appreciated!

Postby cbp3443 » Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:20 pm

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Last edited by cbp3443 on Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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3|ink
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:23 pm

Re: Critiques Would be much appreciated!

Postby 3|ink » Wed Dec 22, 2010 4:42 pm

I think your premise is excellent. I get bored easily, but I really wanted to keep reading. I just think you should work on flow.

Exp.
I was jealous of my younger brother for my entire childhood. I have always been jealous of my younger brother.

Edit: And you should work on the ending too. I mean, delete that paragraph and write a new one.




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