why uva

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crossingforHYS
Posts: 702
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:23 pm

why uva

Postby crossingforHYS » Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:33 pm

Thank you all that commented!
Last edited by crossingforHYS on Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

albanach
Posts: 1011
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:05 pm

Re: why uva

Postby albanach » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:05 pm

The law school is not only dynamic and beautiful


You should see the rest of the campus!

I'm not sure you say much that really says "Why UVa" to me. If the First Amendment Clinic is a big part of your motivation, explain why you have a First Amendment interest. You touch on your interest in the third para but don't really explain it.

What have you done pre UVa that you can bring to the clinic?

You almost get there when you write "I have seen first hand what occurs when the fundamental rights and freedom to speak, to write, to assemble, and to exercise your religion while still providing that no established religion exists, is violated." So what did you see, what happened and what did you do about it?

Should that not be 'are violated' given you talk about plural rights?

You talk about your interest in the arts, yet not a single mention about why Charlottesville interests you. Given the bustling arts scene, that looks like an omission. I also think the whole thing is a bit short. Seems to me if you think you have a stong enough interest in UVa you should be able to write two pages.

I'd consider trying to break it down into three parts. Firstly, why you're attracted to the University and the School of Law. Then specifics on the First Amendment Clinic. Finally a bit about Charlottesville itself.

Tie the three of those together in your conclusion and you'll leave the reader with a strong sense of your desire to attend.

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esq
Posts: 571
Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:59 pm

Re: why uva

Postby esq » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:16 pm

What's up with the semicolon? I don't think that this piece will help you much. You make some very strong claims that come off as trying too hard.

crossingforHYS
Posts: 702
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:23 pm

Re: why uva

Postby crossingforHYS » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:46 pm

I will def. add the charlotville aspect of it, I did not explain a lot of the first amendment stuff and the arts stuff b/c my whole personal statement is about my background and why that is important to me. I already have three pages on my background in the arts and my background in first amendment issues....so hopefully that explains some of it:)

I will def. add stuff on charlotville .....beautifull city!!!
albanach wrote:
The law school is not only dynamic and beautiful


You should see the rest of the campus!

I'm not sure you say much that really says "Why UVa" to me. If the First Amendment Clinic is a big part of your motivation, explain why you have a First Amendment interest. You touch on your interest in the third para but don't really explain it.

What have you done pre UVa that you can bring to the clinic?

You almost get there when you write "I have seen first hand what occurs when the fundamental rights and freedom to speak, to write, to assemble, and to exercise your religion while still providing that no established religion exists, is violated." So what did you see, what happened and what did you do about it?

Should that not be 'are violated' given you talk about plural rights?

You talk about your interest in the arts, yet not a single mention about why Charlottesville interests you. Given the bustling arts scene, that looks like an omission. I also think the whole thing is a bit short. Seems to me if you think you have a stong enough interest in UVa you should be able to write two pages.

I'd consider trying to break it down into three parts. Firstly, why you're attracted to the University and the School of Law. Then specifics on the First Amendment Clinic. Finally a bit about Charlottesville itself.

Tie the three of those together in your conclusion and you'll leave the reader with a strong sense of your desire to attend.




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