Please Critique My Personal Statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
oliverdarcy
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 1:13 am

Please Critique My Personal Statement

Postby oliverdarcy » Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:21 pm

I'll post the updated draft when it is finished.
Last edited by oliverdarcy on Sat Dec 18, 2010 7:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

oliverdarcy
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 1:13 am

Re: Please Critique My Personal Statement

Postby oliverdarcy » Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:35 pm

Anything?

Learic
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:51 pm

Re: Please Critique My Personal Statement

Postby Learic » Thu Dec 16, 2010 1:43 pm

My $.07,

Please help me understand the ideas that you are portraying a little better. Because you planned and organized an event for a campus group in which you are the founder and current President, you feel that you make an ideal law school candidate? I am not convinced.

What was this watertight argument that you had crafted? Was it because the school had paid for Michelle Obama and Jimmy Carter, that they were obligated to pay for Karl Rove? Were their lectures on liberal political strategies or on other things like humanitarian efforts around the world and did Karl Rove give a speech on the same topics from his perspective? It sounds like your intentions were politically and publicity motivated as opposed to coming off as genuine and caring about fairness. Let's change the invited speakers to musicians, for the sake of arguments. Because the school paid to bring Kanye West to perform, under your 'airtight' argument they should equally be obligated to bring Taylor Swift as well. I'd lose your sentence that brags about providing an airtight argument.

If I understand correctly, because you were faced with how to quiet hecklers in a crowd while being respectful of their rights to free speech you had an epiphany to study what kind of law?

I think you have a strong PS if you were running for office of the Head of the National Republican Committee, but not a strong enough case to say this is why you would be a great lawyer.




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