Personal Statement--please read

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
KariC
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:19 pm

Personal Statement--please read

Postby KariC » Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:25 pm

This is my first time ever posting....please be honest, you won't hurt my feelings. BTW this is only for content...i'm just not sure if this sounds like crap or not.

As I stood by the fence row finger pointed, hand on hips and a shrill squeal that would travel the distance of the neighborhood I proceeded to have my first oral argument…I was three. I have always been a free-spirit, always speaking my mind and standing up for the injustices of the world no matter how mundane the issue. However, it was not until junior high that I realized that my gift of being able to argue my perspective would be valuable for anything other than holiday dinner conversations where my parents would divulge my latest conquest. I realized that my passions were very different from my peers; I loved working with children. I spent countless hours of my young life absorbed in children’s events; that most people my age would have dreaded, but there was something about the spark in their eye when the learned something new, or challenged themselves in some why they didn’t think possible. While I loved children I thought that my talents would only ever be used to do volunteer work around the community.
It was not until the beginning of my sophomore year of college after ending my engagement that I realized what my calling was. I had always been told that I had the personality of an attorney, but I had never really delved much into the legal field. The next couple months were a blur after changing my degree from nursing to international studies and quitting my job waiting tables to secure a job as a file clerk at the law firm of Galloway, Johnson I finally felt as though I were making the right choices in my life. In addition to my family law experience at Galloway, Johnson, I also have been a Florida Guardian Ad Litem for the past year; it is remarkable to see first hand Florida’s family law system for the better and the worst. As a child with a strong voice, I want to be able to spread that feeling of giving children a strong voice.
The greatest lessons that life teaches you are the lessons you don’t even know you are learning, this resonates with me every time I endure something that I thought would crush my spirit beyond repair. Looking back on the first law class I took or the first time my boss told me I had made a mistake makes me realize that life is not about being perfect. Life about showing passion with whatever it is that you do. Thus far in life I have gathered many tools that will aid me in the practice of law, whether it is my confidence, strength or heart. I have gathered all that I can on my own and now I seek a law school education to learn how to use my tools in the most effective way to make a difference in the lives of children.
It is that passion that brings me here from the three year old girl who knew nothing if not what she believed in to the woman who knows passion is the key to the practice of law. My entire life has been an epic journey to this crossroad where I must choose which path to take, I choose the path that will likely sprain my ankle and leave me exhausted, but I choose to follow the path that I know will lead me to where I belong. Your school is my choice as well, I choose this school to complete my journey to allowing me the person I was born to be.

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ShuckingNotJiving
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:24 am

Re: Personal Statement--please read

Postby ShuckingNotJiving » Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:32 pm

i would be wary of waxing nostalgic about your three-year-old argumentative skills.

MOREOVER, i understand this is a rough draft, but when you revise, make sure you do tell less. you have too many statements that you need to expound on


EG

KariC wrote:this resonates with me every time I endure something that I thought would crush my spirit beyond repair



wow. that's pretty dramatic. if you insist on leaving a statement like such, then you need to detail those experiences.

KariC
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:19 pm

Re: Personal Statement--please read

Postby KariC » Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:51 pm

Thanks, that's basically what I was thinking...geez no one has ever called me dramatic before :mrgreen:

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icecold3000
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: Personal Statement--please read

Postby icecold3000 » Tue Dec 14, 2010 11:00 pm

A good start, HOWEVER, this needs a lot of work. Maybe you should focus on one or two of the things you discussed. It reads like an autobiography and frankly, is not very convincing that you would be a good candidate for law school. (Sorry, I do not mean to sound harsh)

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ShuckingNotJiving
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:24 am

Re: Personal Statement--please read

Postby ShuckingNotJiving » Tue Dec 14, 2010 11:17 pm

wasn't calling you dramatic just the phrase. the rest of the essay has a pretty mellow feel to it. the phrase sticks out because it's like wtf did that come from and wtf does it even mean.


CRUSH MY SPIRIT BEYOND REPAIR. you have to admit that's pretty dramatic.

sometimes i write stuff like that and i'll come back and lol at myself. don't take offense!




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